I'm Really A Dog

Have you ever felt like the dog in this picture... like you’re trying so hard to blend in but no matter how much you look and act the part, you’re still different?  I have.  In fact, I feel this way most of the time.  I’m surrounded by other parents whose methods of parenting are far better than mine.  I’m amid team moms that are more dedicated to the sport and to the team than I am.  I’m amongst PTA members who are way more obsessed with their child’s education than I am.  I’m in a Bible study with ladies that trump me in the department of morality and purity.   It’s not that I don’t care about my children’s education or if their team wins or about being a good mom… it’s moreso that I don’t talk about these things constantly or regularly voice my opinion on them.  Trying to look and act the same often requires a certain level of either silence or faking or both.

Blending in can be exhausting.  I think that’s why I seek solace in writing, for on the pages of a novel I can live vicariously through each and every character.  When I’m deep in the throes of writing a novel, I don’t feel the unspoken (and sometimes spoken) condemnation on the way I live my life or the choices I make.  On the page, I can simply be the dog.    

In real life, I often want to scream, but that, too, would be considered an abnormal reaction amongst the herd of sheep.  So, I sit quietly, stifeling my bark, and wondering if anyone will notice I’m really a dog.  ~