Have you ever been involved in a relationship that was at an
impasse? Let’s face it, over time every
relationship encounters some degree of conflict; but more times than not,
people are able to resolve the conflict or agree to disagree and let the matter
die.
In reality, there are only three options toward conflict
resolution:
1. Agree to disagree and never discuss the matter again. (Ignore it)
2. Continue to argue over it and let it bring an end to the relationship. (Avoid it)
3. Open-mindedly discuss the root of the issue and work together toward resolution. (Fix it)
1. Agree to disagree and never discuss the matter again. (Ignore it)
2. Continue to argue over it and let it bring an end to the relationship. (Avoid it)
3. Open-mindedly discuss the root of the issue and work together toward resolution. (Fix it)
But, what happens when one person refuses to discuss the
root of the conflict? How, then, does
the stalemate end?
Even more difficult is when one person, in trying to avoid
the topic of conflict, pretends that the root of the problem is something
entirely different. This blame-shift, in
essence, opens up a can of worms that didn’t need to be opened, causing nothing
but more hurt and turmoil.
For example, in my novel, No Easy Way, Kate and Tom’s
relationship is at an impasse because neither of them can bring themselves to
face the root of the problem. Tom dives
into work and avoids the conflict and Kate pretends his work IS the problem;
when it isn’t. Their marriage doesn’t
become fixable until everything blows up and they are forced to face the real
issue beneath it all.
Just like in the book, there is no easy way, through life’s conflicts; and sometimes it takes
everything blowing up around you to make you realize what’s really important. Sometimes you have to let people go and give
up the fight until they are ready to discuss the root of the problem.
But…giving up the fight doesn’t mean you’ve given up the
hope of one day ending the stalemate. The challenge is... there's just no easy way.
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