Marriage: There is No Easy Way

The question was:  In one of your books a marriage survives an affair, do you believe this is possible in real life?

The book you’re referring to is called No Easy Way, and the entire premise of that book is that there is “no easy way” for a marriage to survive… there is no EASY way, but there is A way.  Wrapped in a suspenseful plot is the story of a man and a woman and how their marriage survives the seemingly impossible.                           

My husband and I have been married for almost twenty years.  We’ve had our ups and our downs just like anyone else.  There were moments when we both considered giving up…thankfully we never considered it at exactly the same time; otherwise our story might have been different.  

The point is, marriage is hard and when one person makes a mistake the other one suffers the fall out.

At that point you have two choices:   Stay or Leave

I’m not inclined to pass judgment on anyone’s life and the choices they have made.  I know couples who have divorced due to infidelity and I know couples who have remained together.  It’s a choice and each choice comes with its own complications.  Whether you stay or leave, you will still one day have to plot a course down a path of forgiveness.  There’s no escaping it.  If you are the person who cheated, you’ll have to learn to forgive yourself.  If you’re the one caught in the fall out, you’ll eventually have to learn to forgive the one who hurt you; otherwise the anger will destroy your life from the inside out.  The question then becomes... do you want to walk that path together or apart?

There are no easy answers when hearts are broken and nothing will take away the initial onset of pain. Infidelity rips through a marriage like a tornado in a trailer park and the damage and clean up is both extensive and lengthy.  

But let me say this… having the legal right to divorce doesn’t necessarily mean it is the right choic for you, your spouse or your family.  Some believe staying married to a spouse who cheated makes you weak.  It doesn’t.  Staying doesn’t make you weak any more than leaving makes you strong.  The affair itself casts everyone under a shadow of weakness and vulnerability.  Neither staying nor leaving removes that shadow from your heart. 

Human beings make mistakes and being married doesn't make you suddenly immune to temptation.  There is fall out and heartache in the world of "for better or for worse;" but if you choose (like the couple in my novel) to walk the road of healing together, I believe you can one day reap the benefits of a stronger, closer, more intimate marriage.  There is No Easy Way…but there is a way.




Thanks for your question Sherri.  I hope I answered adequately.