All Things Are Possible

Have you ever fought with God?  I have, and I always lose the battle.  I don't know why I even fight Him anymore, but from time to time my stubbon human nature takes over and for a brief moment I think I know what I'm doing.  I don't; and He is always ready to show me the error in my ways.

I'm most obstinate with God when His plans don't mesh with MY plans.  It's a tricky walk, down a pathway lined with thorns.  There I stand at a crossroads.  His path leading to the left.  My path leading to what I believe is right.  All signs point to the left, and yet, it is often the scarier, more demanding, uncomfortable road; so I step to the right.  Red flags flash before my eyes.  Sirens ring.  A big neon sign blinks in my heart:  YOU'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!  I try to stay on MY path, despite the winds that blow against me and the storm that rages in my midst.  I weaken with every stubborn step, until finally I fall flat on my face back at the crossroads and the begging begins. 

As I look in the direction He is pointing me, I plead, "God, I don't want to go down that path.  It's scary and hard and uncomfortable.  I don't know how to do it."

God answers lovingly, "I will direct your steps."  (Proverbs 3:5)

"But God," I cry out, "I don't have time. It's impossible."

God smiles, "All things are possible."  (Luke 18:27)

"What if I make a bigger fool out of myself than I've already made?  What if I fail?  I can't do it!"  I scream.

"You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you," He gently prods.  (Philippians 4:13)

"I'm scared," I sigh and drop my head down. 

"I have not given you a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind," He whispers. 
(2 Timothy 1:7)

I finally hit my knees and surrender, knowing His will is always better than mine.  "Okay, God, I'll do whatever You want, just don't leave me hanging."

God grins and with a that-a-girl nudge, He prods me along, reminding me of His promise.  "I will never leave you or forsake you."   (Hebrews 13:5)

When we find ourselves at a crossroads in life, I think it's important to remember that God's path may not be the easy one, but it will be the best one.  His plan for us may not look like the plan we made for ourselves...but His way is always more fulfilling and more rewarding than we could have dreamt it would be.  The thought of it might make us uncomfortable at first, but isn't change always scary?  The one thing change teaches us is how to be flexible and how to grow; and if we're not growing then we're either falling backwards or stagnating.  I don't know about you, but I'm choosing to grow... even when it scares the crap out of me.

Black Flat Shoes

Have you ever had a dream that, even after you awaken, still haunts you? 

Last night I had such a dream and I'm still trying to shake it from my thoughts.  I woke up several times during the course of the night, but every time I went back to sleep I re-entered the same dream; and strangely enough, I re-entered almost exactly where I had left off. Even more odd is the fact that certain elements of my dream came from dreams I had had previously, but were now interwoven into this new climaxing plot.

Ever since I was a little girl I have always been a vivid dreamer.  My dreams, whether good or bad, are at the very least colorful and exciting.  I even have a couple re-occuring dreams that have lasted my lifetime, visiting me once every couple of years.  It is not odd for me to jolt up in the middle of the night sweating and screaming, or even laugh so loud in my sleep that it awakens my husband next to me.  The poor guy never knows what to expect when we go to bed.  (and I don't mean that in a nudge-nudge-wink-wink sort of way) 

Here are just a few crazy elements from last night's dream:

1.  I was being given a tour of a theatre and the man asked me what the sides of the stage were called.  I said, "wings."  He smiled and said, "Because you answered, now you can fly."   With that we magically flew to the next level in the theatre.

2.  Still on the theatre tour, we came to another stage and he asked me to show him my blocking.  I told him I didn't have any blocking and he became angry.  "Look at your feet," he yelled at me and when I looked down, I was wearing black flat shoes; which was odd because I had arrived on the tour in heels and had never taken off my shoes.  "Where are MY shoes?"  I asked him.  We then magically appeared in front of a large, aluminum walk-in cooler.  He opened the door and my shoes were sitting on the floor of the cooler.  I picked them up and they were ice cold.

I know what you're thinking at this point because I thought it too:  Cold Feet.  It must be symbolic for the fact that I have cold feet about something going on in my life.  But there's more...

3.  The black flat shoes disappeared from my feet and he told me to put my shoes back on.  I tried and I tried and I tried but they wouldn't fit.  "The cold must have made them shrink," I said.  Then he took my chin in his hand and said, "no, the shoes have not changed; you have."

I could bore you all day with strange twists and turns from this dream.  There were demons and people with axes and elevators that opened into dimensions instead of rooms. At one point my beating heart was taken from my chest and I was holding it in my hands.  The tour guide was dressed as a surgeon and asked me, "Who do you trust more with your heart?  Me or you?"  Since he was a surgeon I carefully handed it to him.

The last thing I remember I was fighting someone on a roof top while the tour guide watched.  I yelled to him for help, but he said, "I cannot help you fight against yourself." 

I stopped fighting and looked back at him and asked, "Why am I fighting against myself?"

He said, "part of you wants your shoes back."

How silly, I thought, to be waging war over a pair of shoes.  "How do I stop the fight?" I asked.

"Give her the shoes," he said.  I threw my heels at this other me and she put them on and instantly disappeared.

The battle was over and  I was exhausted.  He put his arm on my shoulder and said, "Are you ready to stop fighting now?"  I nodded and the black flat shoes appeared on my feet and we magically appeared back at the first stage where we had started. 

"What do I do now?"  I asked him.

He smiled at me.  "You fly."

"How?"  I yelled to him as he walked up the aisle of the theatre and out the door.

He was gone and I stood alone on the stage with my black flat shoes.

Welcome to my Friday the 13th Blog Hop Stop

Friday the 13th is all about FEAR.  At least it has been since the debut of the first Friday the 13th movie in 1980 when Jason and his hockey mask scared the crap out of every teenager in America. 

The only other movie to rival its lasting ramifications of fear-scarred adolescents was the debut of Jaws in 1975.  I was five when Jaws hit the theatres and was afraid to take a bath or swim in a pool for years.  I'd like to tell you I've overcome this fear, but even as an adult, I dare not dip a toe into the ocean without hearing that chilling, shark-approaching music in my head.

Duh-dun, duh-Dun, duh-DUn, duH-DUN, dUH-DUN.... faster and faster and louder and louder the music grows until panic grips me.

One year, while in the Bahamas, my husband and I took a Catamaran on a snorkeling expedition.  The boat was anchored in what I call the middle of the ocean, as there was no land to be seen.  The captain explained we would be snorkeling around a reef area known for it's beautiful coral and fish.  Every passenger was given fins, a snorkle and a mask and once we were all adorned in our gear, we lined up to descend the stairs and submerge ourselves into the beautiful, clear blue water.  My husband was in front of me and he gleefully plopped into the water and started looking for fish. I tentatively lowered myself into the ocean only to feel my chest tighten, my throat go dry and my breathing quicken until I sounded like Darth Vader through the snorkle tube.  Suddenly feeling like a floating appetizer for any shark that might be passing by, I shreiked aloud, thrashed my way back to the ladder and climbed over the fifteen people still on the staircase, trambling them with my big black fins.

This was not one of my prouder moments.  When I got to the top of the ladder, the last woman in line shook me by my shoulders and with wide-eyed concern, yelled, "What did you see?!"

I dropped my head in utter humiliation as I admitted to her I had seen nothing.  "I panicked," I sighed.

After I had stripped off my gear the Captain approached with a smirk and a island drink.  "Dis is for you," he said in his Bahamian accent.  "We call it da chicken drink."

I laughed, knowing there was no way to deny I was a chicken and deserving of the chicken drink.  "I'm afraid of sharks," I sheepishly smiled.

"I see dat," he grinned ear-to-ear.  "We all see dat."

We all experience fear.  Sometimes it's rational and sometimes, well, it's not.  It can be humiliating, frustrating and downright comical, but I think the important thing is that we learn to find the silver lining within even our greatest fears.  For me, I may not get to swim in the ocean, but I get to sit on the boat, enjoy a cocktail and look at the beautiful water.  Overcoming our fears sometimes means just being smart enough to remove ourselves from their chilling grip.

As a thank you for visiting my blog today and participating in the Friday the 13th Blog Hop, I'd like to send you a free download of one of my books.  You can download it in any form you like (kindle, nook, kobe, ipad, sony, .pdf, etc.).  All you have to do is write in the comment section below and tell me which book you would like to receive.  All my books are listed in the sidebar where you can watch the video trailers and decide which looks most interesting to you.




Thanks for dropping by and don't forget to Hop to the next Blog Stop and enter for a chance to win a FREE Kindle!

Write a comment in my comment section and then click on the picture below to automatically advance to the next HOT Bog HOP Stop!

The Hop STARTS at http://briclarkthebelleofboise.blogspot.com

 and she will display the link to the next stop in the Hop in her post.  Each blogger will do the same, so you'll be visiting every link in the Hop's chain. If that host is offering a giveaway on his/her blog, go ahead and enter to win their contest.  Tell your friends!

Friday the 13th Blog Hop - Almost Here!

The Hottest Blog HOP in town is coming tomorrow, Friday the 13th!  Don't miss out on your chance to win free books and even a FREE Kindle!  Be there or Beware!

Tune in tomorrow, Friday the 13th, when I'll post where you can start the HOP!

Wisdom in His Ramblings

Have you ever met someone that changed your entire perspective?  Why is it that a stranger can make you see things in ways even those closest to you cannot?  Is it that their opinion matters more because somehow we deem it to be unbiased?  Maybe. 

I met an older gentlemen at one of my daughter's shows a few weeks ago.  His wife reads mystery novels and so I gave him one of my business cards.  Yesterday he emailed me from my website and told me how much his wife was enjoying my book.  He also remarked that he enjoyed our conversation at the theatre and called me "lovely and warm."  (I previously blogged about the effect those words had on my always-striving-to-be-vivacious-and-young psyche.)  I emailed back, thanking him for his kind words and offering his wife a free copy of one of my other books.  I assumed our contact, brief as it was, was over and the likelihood of me hearing from him again was slim.

To my surprise he emailed me back, only this time he talked about a past part of my life that was once near and dear to me.  He had gone to my website, read my bio and acting resume, my reviews and press releases; and wrote to me from an outsider's perspective, as a person who was taking a mere glimpse into someones soul.  His questions were poignant and yet sincere... and he got me thinking about things I haven't thought of in years.  Could I?  Dare I?  Yes. No. Maybe.

He ended his correspondence by stating there were no chance encounters and that there was often wisdom found in the ramblings of an old man. 

The truth is, had it all not played out in this very strangest of ways, I would have never even considered the possibility of opening that door in my life again.  Now, I must ask myself do I believe it was a chance encounter?  Could there be wisdom in his ramblings?  Has the stage been set and waiting until the precise moment in time when I was somehow subconsciously ready?

Is there wisdom in his ramblings?  I don't know, but of one thing I am sure...I have no choice now but to find out.

~

A Lovely, Warm Blanket

Several weeks ago I met an older gentleman at one of my daughter's shows.  We engaged in small talk after the show while I waited for my daughter to change out of her costume so we could go home.  During our conversation he told me that his wife enjoyed reading mystery novels, so I explained I was an author of suspense novels and gave him one of my business cards.  My daughter and I then left and I haven't seen this man since.

Today, on my author website,  I received a sweet email from him in which he told me his wife was enjoying my books and how much he enjoyed our conversation.  He said I was "lovely and warm."

At first I tilted my head slightly to the left, smiled sheepishly and felt that "awwww" sensation fill me.  "Lovely and warm."  I'd never been called those things before.  Then, I read the sentence again, and again, and again.... and my smile fell downward and my shoulders slumped into a deep, deflated sigh.  I am lovely and warm... like a blanket....a big 'ol furry blanket.  At some point, while I was busy with life, time had sucked away vivacious and youth and replaced it with lovely and warmth.

Sigh.  He meant it as a compliment, I am sure of that; but to me it is yet one more reminder of my youthfulness quickly slipping away.

Tonight, I will apply an extra dose of my collagen eye lift cream in hopes of clinging to one more second of vivaciousness.  I will lie in bed awake and resolve to be perkier, more energetic, and more lively; and I will keep that promise to myself for a few days before the chaos of life wears me down and I flop once again onto my bed like a lovely, warm blanket. 

A friend sent me this picture and I laughed out loud when I saw it; then promptly printed it and stuck it on the top of my laptop. 

See, whenever I feel uptight or extra-neurotic I indulge in a Grey Goose martini with bleu cheese olives and like magic, my stress disappears and my head becomes suddenly clear.

Many a night I have sipped on one of these as my fingers danced wildly across the keyboard creating my next novel.  Many a night I have typed into the wee hours of morning, with a martini on my desk and ideas spewing from my head.  By the time my glass is empty, the pages are full and I'm ready for bed.  :)