Have you ever had the rug pulled out from under you? It feels like someone kicked you in the chest and all you can do is try to breathe. Just breathe. After you manage to drink in that first breath, a numbing sensation rushes through your body…. I think it’s preparing you for the heartache you’re about to feel. Your mind rushes with “whys” and then more “whys” as you try to analyze what happened to bring you to this point. How could someone do this? Why would someone do this?
Your analysis points you to a truth you don’t want to face; but it’s the only reasonable explanation. They don’t care. And maybe it isn’t even that they don’t care, but that they don’t care enough. They care more about someone else’s heart than yours. They must… because to have hijacked your life and plans not once, but knowingly and willfully a second time…well…it doesn’t get more painful.
Have you ever wanted to freeze time, to stop the world as if it were a giant Ferris Wheel and get off of the ride for a while? Not permanently… but just for a bit.
Have you ever had someone sabotage your relationships with lies and then, when you call them on it, turn around and blame you for stirring up trouble?
Have you ever felt that you stood completely alone? That even those close to you wouldn’t open their mouths and say, this is wrong. Instead, for the sake of peace, they threw your heart under the bus.
The first time was deemed a terrible misunderstanding and everyone said, “NOW, we know how you feel and it won’t happen again.” A few days later…again. No one even bothered to think deeper about the ramifications of this decision. No one even bothered to mention it to you. They simply ripped the dream from your fingers, as if it were theirs to have...but it belonged to you.
Have you ever heard empty promises about how their way won't affect what you had planned...that everything will be fine...but every word they speak only proves what your heart has felt...it only proves that they don't understand. They think you're angry, but you're not; you're broken.
Have you ever been so broken and hurt that you can’t stop the tears from filling up your eyeballs and flooding your face? No matter how hard you try…they just keep coming. And the only thing left to do is vow to yourself that you will never let this happen again.
Yeah…me too. ~