A BIG Chore And A BIG Bore

I’m not an exercise freak.  I’m not one of those women who likes to go to the gym or who has a group of “gym friends” who chit-chat while on the treadmill and hardly break a sweat; which is good considering they’re wearing so much make-up they’d look like they were in a bar brawl if it started to run.  I don’t own cute “gym clothes” and my tennis shoes are hardly what you’d call “athletic” attire.  Truth be known… I hate working out.

Now I realize hate is a strong word and some people are uncomfortable with the term, so let me better explain my position.  I abhor exercise.  I loathe it.  Spurn it.  Utterly despise it.

If I had to have a defining motto, it would be something like:   I run only if being chased by someone with an axe.

I’m a Type A personality, which means I rarely sit down.  I’m always on the move, always frantically working on a project, or running here, there and everywhere, so, through the years, I’ve been able to stay active enough to compensate for my not-so-feminine appetite.  Yes, that’s right, I like to eat.  I’m not one of those women who nibbles like a mouse on teeny-tiny morsels and then bats her lashes and gleefully announces that she’s stuffed.  I don’t know why women do that.  I mean, no one ever believes any human could be full after eating only two bites of a sandwich.  I want to grab those women by their shoulders, give ‘em a shake and yell, “get real!”   I eat more like a man.  What’s more, I enjoy good food, and I believe food is one of the finer luxuries in life.

This whole eating and not exercising thing wasn’t so bad until…well… I hit my forties.  At forty everything changed.  Being “active” suddenly wasn’t enough and this whole thing about “smaller portions” did nothing but piss me off.  I don’t like smaller portions.  I like BIG portions of the things I love. BIG hugs, BIG kisses, BIG steaks, BIG money... you get the picture. 

So, I’ve had to find ways to cut back without feeling like I’m denying myself of the pleasures I crave; and I’ve had to learn to exercise... I’m still learning.

The changes I’m making are bearable.  I skip desserts and stay away from breads and noodles.  I still indulge in the things I love, like omelets, filet mignon, shrimp and BIG salads.  I substitute squash for spaghetti noodles; and I spice everything up with jalapenos.  If we are going to eat fast food, I opt for Subway or Chick-fil-A and remove the top piece of bread from any sandwich.  I still enjoy Mexican on Friday nights, dipping carrots in guacamole instead of chips and eating fajitas without the tortilla shells. 

What I don’t give up….  Friday night Margaritas, red wine and the occasional Vodka martini or High Ball. 

Now… if I could only find a way to love exercising I might actually hit my weight goal this year.   Even if I could just find a way to like it...  Oh, who am I kidding... I'd settle for just being able to tolerate it. 

I wish there was a magic pill that would dissolve fat and tone muscle.  Wouldn't that be wonderful?!  Or maybe a stick of gum that you had to chew for twenty minutes and it would tone all of the fat in your body?!  Why can scientists invent something useful like that?

Alas, until they do I will need to find a way to motivate myself to get into shape.  I wish exercising didn't feel like a BIG chore and wasn't such a BIG bore.  Sigh.  Wish me luck.  ~