"The World is a Mess"

The other night my nine year old son came into my room, plunked down in my office chair and let out a big sigh. 

“What’s the matter?”  I asked, glancing up from my laptop.

“It seems like the world is a mess,” he said.

I closed my laptop and studied him.  “What do you mean, ‘the world is a mess’?”

His eyes grew teary.  “Everyone’s killing each other and people are killing themselves.” 

He crawled into my lap and I wrapped my whole body around him.  My heart ached.  I wanted to be able to tell him that the world is beautiful and that people aren’t doing bad things and that we are safe…but I couldn’t.  Somehow the ugliness from out there had seeped into our four walls and penetrated his little heart. 

With tears streaming down my face, we had a conversation for which no parent can adequately prepare. We talked about violence, school shootings, drunk driving and suicide.  These are heavy topics for an adult and inconceivable for a nine year old to bear.  And, yet, it is the reality of the world in which we live.

I learned from our talk that he was afraid to go to school…afraid a shooter would come in and kill everyone in his classroom.  In the same week he had seen headlines on the internet about a baseball star getting a DUI and a country singer committing suicide.  That’s a lot of bad news and he wasn’t sure how to process it.  “The world is a mess,” was how it all boiled down…a statement that is sadly not far from the truth.

We have parental guards on our computers and iPads, but information seeps in through their iPhones and their friends.  It’s impossible to protect your children from the great wide virtual world of information.  As parents, we try to focus on the good so that our children will see that there is beauty in the world; but, oh, how the headlines make this a challenge.

How do we teach our children that violence is not the answer when our own police officers are on video beating a civilian to a pulp?  How do we teach them to feel secure when children are murdered in their own schools?  How do we teach them to forgive when ex-policeman are gunning down previous co-workers and their families?  How do we tell them to be carefree and enjoy their childhood when children are kidnapped, molested and murdered within a few miles from their home?  How do we teach them to look up to role models when those role models drink and drive and use drugs?  How do we teach them that suicide is not an answer when celebrities are overdosing and shooting themselves? 

“The world is a mess.”

The other night I realized I can’t refute that statement.  The world IS a mess.  All I could do and all I did was tell him the one truth that I knew… God is bigger than any mess. With Him in our hearts we never have to face anything alone; and His love conquers all. 

I wrapped my arms tighter around my son and whispered, “I love you with all of my heart and you will never have to face anything in this life alone.”

“How do we clean up the mess?”  He asked.

I kissed the top of his head.  “I don’t know, baby. I think we start by asking God for help.”

And together, we prayed.  “God, please clean up the mess so the children in this world don’t have to be so afraid.”  

I put him to bed and wept.  ~

Mean Mutant Monsters

We have a mean girl problem at our school; and it sucks.

I could stop with just that sentence and you would have a good gauge on where my heart stands; but, being the writer and the angry mom, I won’t.  It’s amazing how society has evolved into a place where bullies are allowed to take over, not because people deem bullying acceptable; but because laws have tied their hands from doing anything to stop it. Parents are afraid to spank, for someone might call Social Services and their children will be taken away.  Teachers, Principals and Counselors are afraid to discipline, for they might lose their jobs.  Laws to protect children have been so mis-used and even abused, that instead of protecting kids they have created mutant little monsters.

Yes, I said it.  Mean kids are mutant monsters.  

When I was in school, if someone was consistently mean, they got a fist in the face and that pretty much stopped their negativity.  There’s nothing like being knocked on your ass to give you a new perspective on how you’d like to live your life.  Alas, those were the olden days when bullies didn’t run rampant because kids were allowed to take action without the fear of being kicked out of school.  If a mean kid punched a nice kid, the nice kid wasn’t expected to shut up and take it.  He or she hit back.  The only way to stop a bully is to flatten them. Period. If you fight back they will think twice before ever touching you again.

 

Today, bullying comes in all shapes and sizes; physical bullying being  the least offender.  If a kid leaves bruises on another kid, there is evidence of wrongdoing.  Instead, they bruise the inside.  It's harder to prove and the sting never goes away.  Emotional bullying causes the most damage in a child and it's done verbally, via texting and social media.

 

Kids can’t fight back now.  They’re supposed to take the abuse, turn the other cheek, kill with kindness, blah, blah, blah.  That’s all fine and good in LaLa Land, but that doesn’t work in the real world.  Kids are being emotionally abused and verbally bashed every day and the message we, adults, are sending is that there is nothing they can do about it.

This ends here!

 

There IS something they can do.  Fight fire with fire.  When that mean girl calls you a bitch or a stupid, fat, loser and you’ve asked them several times to stop; it is time to take action.  No, you’re not allowed to rip their hair from their scalp.  No, you’re not allowed to punch them in the mouth or hurl them down the hall like a hockey puck.  Those were the good ‘ol days.  Now, you must become as manipulative and cunning as the mean girls.  No, you must become MORE crafty.

How?

Fight fire with fire.  Take their ammo and use it against them.  If they call you names and then lie about doing it, don’t get angry; get even.  Here’s an example:  When that mean girl is alone, walk up and whisper quietly in her ear.  “If you say bad things about me again, I’m going to teach you how to shut your mouth.”  Then smile and walk away.  When she tells someone, DENY it.  Do the same thing to her that she is doing to you.

“Oh No!” People are gasping.  “That’s revenge!  We shouldn’t teach our children to take revenge!” 

No, by all means, let’s teach our children to lie down like doormats so that the mutant monsters can run the world.  No, frickin’ thank you!

 

It’s not revenge…it's taking action... it’s giving the bully a taste of her own medicine.  Maybe then she’ll realize how unfair her actions are and how frustrating it is to be telling the truth about what someone said to you and have no one believe you because an adult didn’t witness the interaction. Give her a spoonful of her own medicine and let it burn as it goes down. 

Key:  Just don’t do it at school or if you do, make sure you are not seen or heard by an adult.  Ironically, the laws will protect you just as they protect the bully.

Is this good advice to give our kids?   Well, it isn’t what I ever intended to teach; but, then again, the laws have forced my hand. 

There are four mean girls at our school, tormenting at least three of the girls in the sixth grade.  They call them fat, stupid, losers and bitches.  They spread lies about them and when confronted by an adult figure, they lie and deny having said anything at all.  Despite the fact that SEVERAL other students have witnessed these things being said, have had them said directly to them and have overheard them being said in the hallway…. nothing can be done.  The laws have tied the hands of the school administration.  The laws have created the mutant monsters and have allowed them to thrive in our school systems.

For the past two years, my daughter has been killing with kindness and turning the other cheek; but we’re done with that now.  For the past two years I have been teaching her to ignore the bullies, to be kind, and to be friendly.  But, I was wrong.  That method doesn’t work.  It only facilitates more emotional abuse.

Our torches are lit.  We are locked and loaded.  We are waging war against bullying behavior and the laws that allow it.  This ends now!

Why?

Because emotional bullying destroys kids from the inside out.  It kills their self-confidence, it drowns them in humiliation, it murders their self-esteem and it forces them into depression.  Isn’t being a kid hard enough without being bullied?  They’re going through physical and hormonal changes, they’re feeling awkward as it is without being beaten up every day.  A child can only take so much before they reach their breaking point.

How many teen suicides are we going to silently take?   How many school shootings are we going to sit back and watch?   How many beatings are we going to silently let happen?  How many kids are we going to allow to drown themselves in drugs just to escape a reality that we refuse to help them fix?

 

I’m a mom and I’m not going to sit back and silently watch while my kid is pushed to a breaking point.  I won’t.  Laws were put in place to protect children from being abused.  We have twisted those laws to allow children to run over each other and over their parents, teachers and others in leadership positions.  This must be repaired.  Mutant monsters must be stopped.  It ends here!