Mean Mutant Monsters

We have a mean girl problem at our school; and it sucks.

I could stop with just that sentence and you would have a good gauge on where my heart stands; but, being the writer and the angry mom, I won’t.  It’s amazing how society has evolved into a place where bullies are allowed to take over, not because people deem bullying acceptable; but because laws have tied their hands from doing anything to stop it. Parents are afraid to spank, for someone might call Social Services and their children will be taken away.  Teachers, Principals and Counselors are afraid to discipline, for they might lose their jobs.  Laws to protect children have been so mis-used and even abused, that instead of protecting kids they have created mutant little monsters.

Yes, I said it.  Mean kids are mutant monsters.  

When I was in school, if someone was consistently mean, they got a fist in the face and that pretty much stopped their negativity.  There’s nothing like being knocked on your ass to give you a new perspective on how you’d like to live your life.  Alas, those were the olden days when bullies didn’t run rampant because kids were allowed to take action without the fear of being kicked out of school.  If a mean kid punched a nice kid, the nice kid wasn’t expected to shut up and take it.  He or she hit back.  The only way to stop a bully is to flatten them. Period. If you fight back they will think twice before ever touching you again.

 

Today, bullying comes in all shapes and sizes; physical bullying being  the least offender.  If a kid leaves bruises on another kid, there is evidence of wrongdoing.  Instead, they bruise the inside.  It's harder to prove and the sting never goes away.  Emotional bullying causes the most damage in a child and it's done verbally, via texting and social media.

 

Kids can’t fight back now.  They’re supposed to take the abuse, turn the other cheek, kill with kindness, blah, blah, blah.  That’s all fine and good in LaLa Land, but that doesn’t work in the real world.  Kids are being emotionally abused and verbally bashed every day and the message we, adults, are sending is that there is nothing they can do about it.

This ends here!

 

There IS something they can do.  Fight fire with fire.  When that mean girl calls you a bitch or a stupid, fat, loser and you’ve asked them several times to stop; it is time to take action.  No, you’re not allowed to rip their hair from their scalp.  No, you’re not allowed to punch them in the mouth or hurl them down the hall like a hockey puck.  Those were the good ‘ol days.  Now, you must become as manipulative and cunning as the mean girls.  No, you must become MORE crafty.

How?

Fight fire with fire.  Take their ammo and use it against them.  If they call you names and then lie about doing it, don’t get angry; get even.  Here’s an example:  When that mean girl is alone, walk up and whisper quietly in her ear.  “If you say bad things about me again, I’m going to teach you how to shut your mouth.”  Then smile and walk away.  When she tells someone, DENY it.  Do the same thing to her that she is doing to you.

“Oh No!” People are gasping.  “That’s revenge!  We shouldn’t teach our children to take revenge!” 

No, by all means, let’s teach our children to lie down like doormats so that the mutant monsters can run the world.  No, frickin’ thank you!

 

It’s not revenge…it's taking action... it’s giving the bully a taste of her own medicine.  Maybe then she’ll realize how unfair her actions are and how frustrating it is to be telling the truth about what someone said to you and have no one believe you because an adult didn’t witness the interaction. Give her a spoonful of her own medicine and let it burn as it goes down. 

Key:  Just don’t do it at school or if you do, make sure you are not seen or heard by an adult.  Ironically, the laws will protect you just as they protect the bully.

Is this good advice to give our kids?   Well, it isn’t what I ever intended to teach; but, then again, the laws have forced my hand. 

There are four mean girls at our school, tormenting at least three of the girls in the sixth grade.  They call them fat, stupid, losers and bitches.  They spread lies about them and when confronted by an adult figure, they lie and deny having said anything at all.  Despite the fact that SEVERAL other students have witnessed these things being said, have had them said directly to them and have overheard them being said in the hallway…. nothing can be done.  The laws have tied the hands of the school administration.  The laws have created the mutant monsters and have allowed them to thrive in our school systems.

For the past two years, my daughter has been killing with kindness and turning the other cheek; but we’re done with that now.  For the past two years I have been teaching her to ignore the bullies, to be kind, and to be friendly.  But, I was wrong.  That method doesn’t work.  It only facilitates more emotional abuse.

Our torches are lit.  We are locked and loaded.  We are waging war against bullying behavior and the laws that allow it.  This ends now!

Why?

Because emotional bullying destroys kids from the inside out.  It kills their self-confidence, it drowns them in humiliation, it murders their self-esteem and it forces them into depression.  Isn’t being a kid hard enough without being bullied?  They’re going through physical and hormonal changes, they’re feeling awkward as it is without being beaten up every day.  A child can only take so much before they reach their breaking point.

How many teen suicides are we going to silently take?   How many school shootings are we going to sit back and watch?   How many beatings are we going to silently let happen?  How many kids are we going to allow to drown themselves in drugs just to escape a reality that we refuse to help them fix?

 

I’m a mom and I’m not going to sit back and silently watch while my kid is pushed to a breaking point.  I won’t.  Laws were put in place to protect children from being abused.  We have twisted those laws to allow children to run over each other and over their parents, teachers and others in leadership positions.  This must be repaired.  Mutant monsters must be stopped.  It ends here!

 

 

 

 

 

Mean Girls: They're Real and They're NOT Spectacular!

My children attend a Charter school and they love it.  It’s a great school and we are very happy with the school’s leadership, teaching staff, academic structure, etc.  It is a building packed with positive people, innovative thinking, strong values, moral fiber, a genuine sense of happiness and a down-to-earth feel. 

Then… enter the eleven year old girls who think they are God’s gift to the school…and there goes the positive atmosphere.  They’ve come to rule the school and not in an uplifting manner.  They call other students names, such as “stupid,” and “fat,” and “loser.”  They have also been heard calling other female students a “bitch,” and a “dork.”  They backstab and blatantly lie, all the while plastering on a feigning smile of innocence in front of their teachers. 

There are four of them in the six grade class and they are exactly like the “mean girls” you see in movies and think, that doesn’t really happen in schools, right?  Surely, it’s just a cinematic exaggeration for the sake of entertainment.  Nope.  They’re real and they’re NOT spectacular.  (Fellow Seinfeld fans will get that last remark.)

When one of these girls was confronted and asked why she says mean things about others, she said, “That’s just how I handle stuff.  You can’t change me.”  

 

Being mean is how you “handle stuff”?!?  WTF!  Who taught you that?

Another girl said, “Being popular means I don’t have to hang around the fat losers if I don’t want to.”

“Fat Losers.”  I don’t know about you, but that statement stirs in me an intense desire to kick the crap out of the person who used this terminology.  Now, I know what you’re thinking…. “Susan, they’re just kids and you can’t go around smacking all of the mean kids in the world.”  True.  (Though, at times, I wish I could!)

My daughter has come home in tears, begged not to go to school and pretended to be sick so she wouldn't have to go to school and face the fact that these four girls are saying mean things behind her back and, at times, to her face.  It is heartbreaking. 

I can't go smack them all, but what I can do is analyze where they learn this behavior and I believe that trail leads me straight to their parents.  Now, are parents responsible for every poor choice their child makes?  No.  Kids are going to make mistakes, some of which parents will be entirely unaware.  I get that.  My kids mess up too.  Growing up is all about learning.  BUT, respecting others is a lesson that should be taught at home.  Being kind to others is a lesson that should be reinforced in the home.  Saying something mean one time out of anger or frustration can be expected, but a consistent behavior pattern of degrading others does not fall under “normal adolescent behavior;” or at least it shouldn’t and it doesn’t in our home.

Parents….listen to what is coming out of your kid’s mouth.  If it’s spiteful, hateful, poking fun at others and mean… DO SOMETHING!

 

Anyone who knows me will attest to the fact that I’m not in contention for mother-of-the-year.  In fact, I’m far from it.  However, I have taught my children that they don’t have to like everyone, but they have to show everyone kindness.  They don’t have to be friends with everyone, but they do have to be friendly and courteous.  They don’t have to be “into” what others are into, but they have to respect what is important to others and not make fun of them. 

God made each us different, unique and individual so that life would not be stagnant and boring. We come in all different shapes, sizes and colors, none of which should be used against us to support hateful labels like “fat loser” or “stupid dork.” 

Meanness is a spirit of hate and it should not be welcome in our hearts, our schools or our homes.  If it is not stopped in adolescence, it will only get worse.  ~