Heads in the Sand

I was talking with a couple of ladies the other day, discussing parenting and the challenges children face in the world today, etc.  In regards to sex, one of the women said, “We don’t discuss sex in our home because I think it plants a seed in their minds and increases the chance that the kids will want to engage in premarital sex; and that’s wrong.”

I didn’t join the debate at the time, but it got me thinking…

I’m an idealist but I’m also a realist.  I believe in miracles and I also believe in statistical probability.  When it comes to premarital sex, I take a very realistic approach.  Teenagers have raging hormones and they’re entering a stage of life where they often find first love.  When you put those two things together, it usually results in sex. 

There are rare cases, like Tim Tebow, where people have chosen to wait until they are married.  I think this choice is commendable and I support it; however, it isn’t the statistical norm. 

When it comes to parenting and sex, I’m preparing my kids for everything.  The first lesson conveys the hope that they would abstain from having premarital sex.  The second lesson is to teach them that sex is not a tool or a weapon to be thrown around casually; that it is an expression of the love two people share.  The third lesson is to protect themselves through the use of contraceptives. 

In an ideal world, I’d tell them that sex can only be had after marriage…but we don’t live in an ideal world.  By the time they reach sixth grade they already know how it all works.  There is no stork.  Mommy and Daddy have body parts that fit together and make a baby.  Teenagers get pregnant.  Hell, there’s a reality television show about teen moms, none of which are married.  And politicians argue over something called ‘abortion.’  Whether or not we, as parents, discuss it in the home, the seed has already been planted and their minds are filled with questions…questions others will answer if we don’t. 

Regardless of the topic, as parents we have two choices:  either stick our heads in the sand and ignore the real world or teach our children everything we know and pray like hell we’ve taught them enough to empower them to make wise choices.  Smoking causes lung cancer.  Drugs can kill you.  Never drink and drive because you could kill yourself or accidentally murder someone else.  If you’re going to have sex, only do it with someone you truly love and always, always use protection.  These aren’t fun topics, but I think it is our responsibility to engage in these conversations with our kids.

Even then, just as we did and our parents before us and their parents before them, our children will make mistakes.  I guess my hope is that those mistakes are made out of momentary foolishness and not out of genuine ignorance.  Until the ideal becomes the real, I don't think we have the liberty of sticking our heads in the sand. ~ 

Armed Good Guys (at least) Have a Shot

I’ve read countless Facebook posts about gun control and how guns are to blame for the Sandy Hook Elementary School tragedy.

This statement is not entirely correct.

Yes, guns were used, but people are to blame.  In this case, a mentally disturbed individual is to blame. I can own one hundred guns, but if I never load one and fire it at someone, then those guns never kill. 

That being said…. Should we institute some form of gun control.  Yes.  But we need to make certain it is not in violation of our overall right to bear arms.  It’s a fine line, but it is an important line and should not be crossed.

People have quoted statistics about how the United States has the highest rate of gun-related deaths each year.  I would like to know how many of those deaths are due to genuine accidents and how many were caused by un-registered, un-licensed gang-type behavior. 

See, Americans who are licensed gun carriers are not the ones killing people.  Americans who own guns to protect themselves and their families are not the ones walking into schools and murdering children.

If we take away our right to bear arms as a nation, it only affects the law-abiding citizens and those aren’t the people who are killing others. The “bad” guys are still going to get guns, whether there is a law against it or not. 

Drugs are illegal, and yet look at the number of meth, crack, heroin and cocaine users in our nation.  It is the same with guns.  “Bad” people are going to do bad things no matter what laws we have in place.  What we CAN do is make it harder for them to do bad things…

Should we make it more difficult to purchase a gun?  Sure.  Should we institute harsher punishments on those caught with un-registered, un-licensed guns?  Sure.  But punishing legal gun owners who have not and most likely will never use their gun to commit a crime is only causing greater problems.

A greater debate is do we arm more “good” people in order to better be able to stop the “bad” people.  I don’t know.  But, had the Principal or the Counselor or one of those teachers at Sandy Hook Elementary been a concealed, licensed carrier, maybe they would have been able to get to their gun and maybe they would have been able to take the man down before he reached any classrooms.

I don’t know the answer… but I believe, in today’s world, arming teachers so they can at least have a fair shot at protecting our children is no longer an idea I would frown upon.  Having an armed guard at our schools is no longer unfathomable. 

Look at the two signs above.  Now, pretend you're a deranged individual who gets the idea to go into a school and kill people.  Which sign has a better chance at making you stop and re-think your plan?

Let’s face it, parents of all of the children in all of the schools across our nation watched the Sandy Hook Elementary School massacre in horror; and if one of us could have picked up a gun and ended the disaster by killing the shooter we’d have done it in a heartbeat.  Any one of us would have fired that shot and taken him out to protect our kids; but we can’t fire a shot with a gun we don’t own.

Unarmed good guys can’t stop an armed bad guy…. but armed good guys have a shot.  ~

 

 

 

Mean Mutant Monsters

We have a mean girl problem at our school; and it sucks.

I could stop with just that sentence and you would have a good gauge on where my heart stands; but, being the writer and the angry mom, I won’t.  It’s amazing how society has evolved into a place where bullies are allowed to take over, not because people deem bullying acceptable; but because laws have tied their hands from doing anything to stop it. Parents are afraid to spank, for someone might call Social Services and their children will be taken away.  Teachers, Principals and Counselors are afraid to discipline, for they might lose their jobs.  Laws to protect children have been so mis-used and even abused, that instead of protecting kids they have created mutant little monsters.

Yes, I said it.  Mean kids are mutant monsters.  

When I was in school, if someone was consistently mean, they got a fist in the face and that pretty much stopped their negativity.  There’s nothing like being knocked on your ass to give you a new perspective on how you’d like to live your life.  Alas, those were the olden days when bullies didn’t run rampant because kids were allowed to take action without the fear of being kicked out of school.  If a mean kid punched a nice kid, the nice kid wasn’t expected to shut up and take it.  He or she hit back.  The only way to stop a bully is to flatten them. Period. If you fight back they will think twice before ever touching you again.

 

Today, bullying comes in all shapes and sizes; physical bullying being  the least offender.  If a kid leaves bruises on another kid, there is evidence of wrongdoing.  Instead, they bruise the inside.  It's harder to prove and the sting never goes away.  Emotional bullying causes the most damage in a child and it's done verbally, via texting and social media.

 

Kids can’t fight back now.  They’re supposed to take the abuse, turn the other cheek, kill with kindness, blah, blah, blah.  That’s all fine and good in LaLa Land, but that doesn’t work in the real world.  Kids are being emotionally abused and verbally bashed every day and the message we, adults, are sending is that there is nothing they can do about it.

This ends here!

 

There IS something they can do.  Fight fire with fire.  When that mean girl calls you a bitch or a stupid, fat, loser and you’ve asked them several times to stop; it is time to take action.  No, you’re not allowed to rip their hair from their scalp.  No, you’re not allowed to punch them in the mouth or hurl them down the hall like a hockey puck.  Those were the good ‘ol days.  Now, you must become as manipulative and cunning as the mean girls.  No, you must become MORE crafty.

How?

Fight fire with fire.  Take their ammo and use it against them.  If they call you names and then lie about doing it, don’t get angry; get even.  Here’s an example:  When that mean girl is alone, walk up and whisper quietly in her ear.  “If you say bad things about me again, I’m going to teach you how to shut your mouth.”  Then smile and walk away.  When she tells someone, DENY it.  Do the same thing to her that she is doing to you.

“Oh No!” People are gasping.  “That’s revenge!  We shouldn’t teach our children to take revenge!” 

No, by all means, let’s teach our children to lie down like doormats so that the mutant monsters can run the world.  No, frickin’ thank you!

 

It’s not revenge…it's taking action... it’s giving the bully a taste of her own medicine.  Maybe then she’ll realize how unfair her actions are and how frustrating it is to be telling the truth about what someone said to you and have no one believe you because an adult didn’t witness the interaction. Give her a spoonful of her own medicine and let it burn as it goes down. 

Key:  Just don’t do it at school or if you do, make sure you are not seen or heard by an adult.  Ironically, the laws will protect you just as they protect the bully.

Is this good advice to give our kids?   Well, it isn’t what I ever intended to teach; but, then again, the laws have forced my hand. 

There are four mean girls at our school, tormenting at least three of the girls in the sixth grade.  They call them fat, stupid, losers and bitches.  They spread lies about them and when confronted by an adult figure, they lie and deny having said anything at all.  Despite the fact that SEVERAL other students have witnessed these things being said, have had them said directly to them and have overheard them being said in the hallway…. nothing can be done.  The laws have tied the hands of the school administration.  The laws have created the mutant monsters and have allowed them to thrive in our school systems.

For the past two years, my daughter has been killing with kindness and turning the other cheek; but we’re done with that now.  For the past two years I have been teaching her to ignore the bullies, to be kind, and to be friendly.  But, I was wrong.  That method doesn’t work.  It only facilitates more emotional abuse.

Our torches are lit.  We are locked and loaded.  We are waging war against bullying behavior and the laws that allow it.  This ends now!

Why?

Because emotional bullying destroys kids from the inside out.  It kills their self-confidence, it drowns them in humiliation, it murders their self-esteem and it forces them into depression.  Isn’t being a kid hard enough without being bullied?  They’re going through physical and hormonal changes, they’re feeling awkward as it is without being beaten up every day.  A child can only take so much before they reach their breaking point.

How many teen suicides are we going to silently take?   How many school shootings are we going to sit back and watch?   How many beatings are we going to silently let happen?  How many kids are we going to allow to drown themselves in drugs just to escape a reality that we refuse to help them fix?

 

I’m a mom and I’m not going to sit back and silently watch while my kid is pushed to a breaking point.  I won’t.  Laws were put in place to protect children from being abused.  We have twisted those laws to allow children to run over each other and over their parents, teachers and others in leadership positions.  This must be repaired.  Mutant monsters must be stopped.  It ends here!