Atypical is Fine By Me

I got up this morning feeling pretty good and then I made the mistake of checking my email, wherein I received a note from a woman who does not know me, personally, but only in the virtual realm.  In a nutshell, she blasted me about the fact that I enjoy celebrating Halloween.  Each year my husband and I throw a Halloween party and, I'll be honest, I look forward to it.  In fact, I LOVE it!  Fall is my favorite season and Halloween is one of my favorite holidays (second only to Christmas).  For me, Halloween is about costumes, cocktails and candy.  It's a time to be creative with decorations, to light hundreds of candles, to dress up and spend one evening a year hanging with friends and family in an atypical environment.

The woman who wrote to me didn't take any of that into consideration.  She only focused on the fact that I am a Christian and chose to cast judgment by writing:  "A Christian with a true heart for the Lord doesn't celebrate a pagan holiday because it offends the spirit of God that dwells inside every believer." 

The email was somewhat lengthy because she took the time to share with me why celebrating Halloween is "wrong."  I won't bore you with the details, as a quick Google search will provide plentiful information of its pagan origin.  I do, however, want to point out that in one simple sentence (the one I quoted above), this woman implied that I did not have a "true heart for the Lord" nor that the Spirit of God dwells inside of me.  Wow!  What happened to "Thou Shalt Not Judge?"

There was a time when I would have felt the need to defend my beliefs, but that time is gone.  I don't care what this woman or anyone in the so-called "church" thinks of me.  My "Christianity" is a private matter between me and God.  My love for Him and His for me is personal and cannot be held nor defined by stigma, rules or superficial expectations.  It is atypical and I like it that way.

So, to the woman who wrote to me I would say only this:  Tout your religion elsewhere...because my relationship with the Lord has nothing to do with religious regulations.  And shame on you for being a judgmental 'BeOtch.'  Can you not see that it is people like you that give Christianity a bad name? It is judgmental behavior like yours that causes people to run from God instead of toward Him?  If you don't feel that celebrating Halloween is "right" then don't celebrate it.  That's your choice and that's fine.  But, just because you have made a choice for your life does not mean you have the right to condemn those that have made a different choice for their life.  Christianity is about loving others, not about trying to convince others that your way is the right way and they should all agree with you. When will the typical church wake up and realize that true Christianity is nothing more than love at work in individual and often very private ways?  Touting signs, taping mouths, sending emails, condemnation and fear tactics, etc.... these drive a wedge and cause more damage than good.  Love is the key and love is the answer. 

As for Halloween...or any holiday for that matter... it is what you make it.  Halloween is only a pagan celebration if you honor it as such.  Just like Christmas can either be about Jesus's birth or about Santa Clause and presents.  Easter can be about Jesus's death and resurrection or about a large bunny who hides eggs.  Holidays mean what you make them mean.  There is no blanket judgment that fits all, nor should there be.  It's your heart, your focus, your life and no one has a right to speak into it...certainly not in the name of God.  If God has something to say to you, He'll say it on His own. 

BTW, I'm pretty sure there's nothing in the Bible against cocktails, costumes and candy...so, bring on the Halloween festivities; and if that makes me an atypical Christian, hallelujah!  There is no greater compliment in this day and age than to say I do not belong amid the "typical" Christians.  Atypical is fine by me.   ~ 







  

Anti-Against

So many times we define ourselves by what we are against, when the real challenge is in finding out what we are for…. because when you are truly for something, everyone will know what you are against without you having to say it, force it or beat them over the head with it.  The best form of protest is not in standing against something, but in standing for something better.    

In standing for something, we are highlighting a positive.  In standing against something, we are illuminating a negative.  Which position will be better received by others?  The negative or the positive?  Which stance will promote growth and healing and birth new perspective?  The negative or the positive? 

When you live for something, you promote a positive energy, whereas, when you stand against something, you generate a negative energy.  Actively standing against something makes others feel condemned, while simply living for something promotes a certain sense of peace and respect in the foundational faith in which you have chosen to live your life.   Some people call this “tolerance” and frown upon it.  Some even say it is a “sin” to not take an active stance against certain things.  I smile and nod and walk away from those people.  For, to me, intolerance and judgment are far more damaging and, dare I say, “sinful.”  

Who am I to judge sin?  Who are you to label what is sin and what is not sin?  We are all mere humans, interpreting the Bible in many different ways; and in the process, sadly missing the truth.  The truth is simple:  No one is without sin.  That means you nor I have the right to stand against anyone else and the choices they have made for their life.  Before you raise that hate sign in the name of God or plaster duct tape across your lips in the name of God, go look in the mirror.  

 

Let the man or woman without sin cast the first stone.

Religion makes rules.  God wants relationship.  There is no human being on the planet worthy of labeling any action “sinful.”  Only God has the right, the power, the authority and the ability to label sin.  Not even the Pope, viewed as the godliest man in the world, possesses that right.

We need to stop the negativity. We need to stop the Anti-Anti-  Anti-  and start promoting the Pro- Pro- Pro-.   Isn’t it ironic that the Anti-, as in Anti-Christ, can so violently squelch the Pro-, as in Pro-mise of Christ?   Isn't it amazing how negative energy seems to spread so much faster than positive energy?  What would happen if we all stopped standing against something and started, instead, to stand for something better in our lives?  What would happen if we stopped judging one another and started loving each other?  What would happen if we stopped focusing on the bad stuff and started promoting the good stuff?  Could it be that positive energy would spread faster than the negative if we only gave it a chance?  What would happen if we stopped pointing fingers and started shaking hands?

Live in relationship with God and one another.  Love God.  Love others.  Be thankful for the gift of life and the blessings that befall you.  If we all stand for love, goodness, kindness, mercy and truth, there will not be a need to stand against anything.

Start living for something today. ~

Exodus from Hate

I just read an article wherein Exodus International has announced that they are shutting down in an effort to stop hurting people. 

What a remarkable statement their founder, Alan Chambers, has made.  I believe he should be commended for his change of heart and his efforts in finally taking the right steps...steps away from accidentally spreading hate...steps toward a Biblical foundation of "love thy neighbor."

My favorite quote from the announcement is: "For quite some time we’ve been imprisoned in a worldview that’s neither honoring toward our fellow human beings, nor biblical."

You can read the full announcement HERE.  But, beyond that, I encourage you to read Chambers full apology stated on the Exodus website, wherein he shares his personal convictions, his experiences and what ultimately led him to this decision.  You can read that by clicking HERE.

Another favorite quote from Chambers is:  "My beliefs about these things (sex and marriage) will never again interfere with God’s command to love my neighbor as I love myself."   

Chambers has certainly gone against the grain and taken a risky stance for a man in his position, and I believe he should be commended.  Any Believer who is able to publically admit that, though their intentions were good, they ultimately went off track and ended up hurting people with God's Word instead of promoting healing, is, well, a fine, upstanding individual in my book.  It takes guts to come out and say you were wrong.  It takes strength to admit that you've gone off track and it takes courage to shut everything down so you can repair and re-focus.  Chambers is going to open another ministry and says he and his wife are dedicated to the focus of proclaiming God's grace and salvation for everyone.  He said, "Grace is the center of salvation, not sin; our focus should be on grace."

I tried to commend him in a somewhat public forum yesterday and was immediately shot down by fellow Christians, one in particular, who accused me of calling ALL Christians bigots.  As can be typical of the radical right, who ironically think they are always right but should probably be called the radical wrong, she only saw the issue of homosexuality and never even bothered to look at Chamber's heart. She jumped all over me, trying to put words in my mouth, trying to accuse me of words I hadn't said and wasn't even thinking...to the point that I finally told her to kiss my ass.  And then she played the victim (insert eye roll here).  Oh, so typical.

Christians.  It's people like this woman that make me ashamed to bear the title and people like Alan Chambers that make me proud to be a Believer. 

Alan Chambers, you ROCK!  May others follow your lead and learn to walk in love instead of hate, judgment and condemnation.  After all, we are ALL created equal and we ALL are saved by grace, God's acceptance and His love.  There is no room for discrimination and finger-pointing; and one thing we, Christians, seem to forget or overlook is the nasty little fact that casting judgment is just one more form of sin.  May we all look in the mirror as Chambers has done.  ~

Discretion: Not on My Blog!

Here is an excerpt from a letter I received last night, from someone who found my “This, That and The Other” blog to be distasteful.

“I am offended that you claim to be a follower of Christ and then talk publically about sexual activity and body parts.  You should use more discretion.”

I love these people.  I love the people in this world that are so stuffy and so set in their ways that they cannot fathom the possibility that someone like me, the sexual-body-parts-writing- blogger,  might be sitting in a pew next to them on Sunday morning… and what’s worse is I might have woken up early and had sex before going to church.  Gasp! 

 

 

Somehow, no matter what I write, someone, somewhere always has to bring God into it by saying, "How can you call yourself a Christian and...blah,blah,blah."

 

Yes, I’m a Christian who talks openly about sex and who complains that my breasts aren’t as perky as I’d like them to be.  I’m the Believer who believes that God created us to need human touch, to have a natural sexual curiosity and to crave things that make us feel better and look good. 

If my sexual openness offends you as a human being, I apologize. If it offends you as a Christian, then that’s your problem and not mine.  I don’t write articles of porn, nor do I post pictures of pornographic images.  I may post something sultry or sensual from time to time, but sensuality is a part of who we are as humans.  The allure of romance is what draws us closer to one another.  Our innate need to feel wanted is what drives us to pursue a suitable partner.  We require connection with others in many forms, because we were not designed to be alone. 

As for the human body, I believe it is one of God’s most remarkable creations.  It’s art.  It’s life.  It is to be treasured and adored.  It is also comedy, especially as we age.  I will most assuredly discuss sagging breasts and floppy penises as my number of birthdays increase.  It’s who I am and it has nothing to do with my heart for God or the fact that I am a Believer.

The question was:  Should I use more discretion?  The answer is:  Not on my blog.  ~

Can I Get an AMEN up In Here?!

I overheard a conversation the other day between two women.  One was having difficulty dealing with daily life.  If I could break down all she shared into the simplest form, I would say she was feeling overwhelmed.  There were no major issues of illness, adultery or murder.  No one robbed a bank, got arrested or assaulted anyone else.  She was simply expressing the exhausting trials associated with juggling parenting, marriage and a career.

There were moments during their conversation when she cried, and my heart wept with empathy for her.  We’ve all been there.  In fact, I live there.  No matter how blessed we are, there are still days when we wonder how we’re going to get through….how we’re going to get it all done…and we feel like we just can’t handle one more thing.  It's those "calgon, take me away" moments.

 

 

As they talked and I eavesdropped, I had to force myself to bite my tongue and resist the temptation to barge into their conversation.  The friend, instead of just listening, took it upon herself to seize the moment for preaching.  She reminded her teary-eyed friend that the Bible tells us to do all things without complaining or grumbling or getting angry or being bitter and upset.  The tears that had pooled in the woman’s eyes now ran down her cheeks as the friend continued.  “Jesus tells us to be holy and seek perfection and to practice self-control…”

This went on for quite some time with the friend quoting Scripture and it took all of my strength not to leap to my feet and yell, “Shut-up!  You hypocritical bimbo!”  That’s what I was yelling inside my head.  Now, I don’t really know if this woman is a hypocrite or a bimbo, but those were the words that popped into my mind.

See, I can’t stand people like her.  I don’t have any close girlfriends who respond this way, and that’s a purposeful decision on my part.  There’s an uppity class of Christians who believe in holding one another accountable before the Lord… and even though the idea of this is Biblical…the method with which they carry it out is not.  I don’t associate with this kind of Christian for this very reason.

I believe God is way more concerned with us uplifting one another than holding one another "accountable."  I believe our main job is to love one another and not to judge.  The woman who got on her preachy high-horse in an attempt to help hold her friend accountable to God’s principals of Christianity, made her feel judged instead of loved.

This, quite frankly, pisses me off, and makes me want to tell every upity, know-it-all Christian what they can go kiss...

 

 

Jesus said, “Faith. Hope and Love; but the greatest of these is Love.”  When a girlfriend is crying, love doesn’t tell her she shouldn’t be bitter or angry or grumble.  Love says, “Cry it out.  I’m here.  I understand.  Life sucks sometimes.”

When a girlfriend is overworked and overwhelmed and feeling that she just can’t do one more thing, love doesn’t tell her she should seek perfection and strive for self-control.  Love says, “Can I help you?  Let me take the kids for a while and give you guys a date night.  Let's go have a coffee and whine a little.” (or wine a little!) 

Love listens…it does not preach…and it never judges.

Christianity is defined as having a “personal relationship with Jesus Christ” because it is just that:  PERSONAL.  That means it’s between God and you…no one else.  No one else has the right to preach to you or at you or judge you, not even when they are judging you with fundamental, Biblical principles.  Those principles are there for you to hold yourself accountable and for God to hold you accountable.  He doesn’t use them to judge you so what gives anyone else the right?  God uses those principles to help you grow and learn and become all that He has made you to be.  He doesn’t use them against you to beat you up or tear you down.  Only elitist Christians riding around on high-horses do that…and shame on them!

Can I get a frickin’ Amen up in here?!

 

 

   

Boomerang of Shame

Here is an excerpt from a letter I received after I posted yesterday’s blog, entitled “Don’t Quit: Re-new It!”  

“You claim to be a Christian but you write books about murder and on your blog you’ve condoned spanking, which is a form of abuse, and abortion which is killing.  The fact that you refer to yourself as a follower of Christ is apprehensible.” 

There was a time when receiving an email of this nature would have reduced me to tears.  Thankfully, those days are gone.  I have reached a point in my life where I am confident in who I am and in my relationship with God.  He loves me…everyone else doesn’t have to.  So, it is with a comical grin that I respond to this email.  

First, let me point out that I believe the word she meant to use was "reprehensible" and not "apprehensible." 

In regards to my books, the Just Call Me Angel series is a suspense series centered on the Mafia.  It would be virtually impossible to write a story about the mob that didn’t involve killing.  These books are fiction and in no way voice a personal conviction that murder is acceptable.  They are simply written to entertain readers.

Likewise, my debut novel, No Easy Way, and my short story, Petals of Blood, are also murder mystery/suspense novels.  I don’t want to point out the obvious, but when writing a murder mystery one sort of has to include an actual murder into the plotline.

Just because I am a Christian does not mean I should write books that fall into the Christian genre.  It’s neither my desire nor my calling.

As for the picture of spanking that was included in yesterday’s blog, I placed it there because I was talking about the Fifty Shades series, wherein spanking is an integral part of the story; not because I was in any way condoning physical abuse.  That being said, I do believe there are those that include spanking in their bedroom activities and I do not condemn them for doing so.  To each their own.  Live and let live. 

On the topic of abortion, you may read my blog, “Out-Of-The-Closet Confessions” if you’d like to better understand my thoughts.  

This email is a prime example of judgmental, holier-than-thou people, with whom (Christian or not) I disassociate myself.  It is this exact type of condemnation that drove me away from the church for twelve years of my adult life.  It is this attitude that I find UN-Christ-like, and I don’t want people to think ALL Christians are similar to the elitist few among us.

All Christians are not radical bigots.  All Christians don’t cast judgment and point fingers. 

Reading murder mysteries or writing murder mysteries doesn’t make me less of a Christian.  The fact that there may be whips and chains in someone’s bedroom, doesn’t make their heart less committed to Christ.  BUT… the fact that you judge others based solely on what you think you see or how you think things should be, tells me YOU are the one that should refer to your Bible and look up the passages about not judging others. 

So, if you’re without blemish, cast that stone; but, first, let me give you a piece of advice.  If I were you I’d duck, because I think your stone is a boomerang of shame...and it's headed right back-atcha! ~

 

 

 

Out-Of-The-Closet Confessions

Since my post yesterday (entitled:  In the Words of the Eagles, Get Over It), I’ve received thirty-two emails.  Some of the emails shared personal stories and some just wanted to rail on me for my “open-mindedness” caused by my “pathetically weak Christian stance.”   But, all of the emails had one common thread and one woman stated it like this:  “How can you call yourself a Christian and have a pro-choice view?” 

This is sort of a coming-out-of-the-closet moment for me...so here it goes.

The question is really two separate questions, so I will answer them separately at first and then explain how they tie together.

Why do I call myself a Christian?

I call myself a Christian because I am a believer in Christ, having accepted Jesus as my personal Savior; and because I believe that everything good in my life is a blessing from God.  Without Him, I am nothing.

Why am I pro-choice?

I am pro-choice because I believe a woman has the right to choose what is done with her body.  I hate abortion.  I hate that it is necessary in our society.  There is no refuting that it is a terrible option.  That being said, I will not tell a woman who is raped that she must have the child.  I will not tell a young girl who has been molested that she has to birth the child.  I am pro-morality but until there are changes made in the moral fabric of our nation, I will remain pro-choice.  The alternative is worse.  If we overturn Roe vs. Wade without first increasing the overall morality in our world, we have simply set people up to fail and caused more destruction and more killing.  Teenagers, in particular, make mistakes.  Their hormones are raging for the first time in their lives.  They’re falling in love for the first time.  More times than not, they will succumb to passion and have sex.  That’s reality.  Should a sixteen year old girl be forced to have that baby?  Should she have to endure the social stigma attached to it? I’m not saying she should or should not.  I’m simply saying the choice should be hers.  If she is forced to have the baby, then …what other options lie before her?  Suicide?  A back alley abortion that could kill her or render her never able to conceive again?  Running away from home because of her family’s disapproval?  Killing or abandoning the baby once it is born?  

It is easy to sit from a high horse and cast judgment; but walk for a moment in the shoes of that sixteen year old girl and truly understand the fear, the heartache and the devastation of the circumstance.   You cannot mandate morality and you cannot fix immorality by forcing your will upon another person.  Each woman’s situation is unique in their life and only that woman can make the choice that she believes is best for her life at that moment. 

I wish abortion was unnecessary in our world; but while there are people making immoral decisions, while there are rapists and molesters among us, abortion must remain a viable option for women.

We should be striving not to make abortion illegal, but to make it unnecessary.

How can I call myself a Christian and take a pro-life stance when abortion is clearly an act of murder and God has said, “Thou shalt not kill?”

This is a good question.  A fair question.  My opinions, my views and even, at times, my actions don’t always support my spiritual beliefs.  I’m not perfect.  But beyond that, I refuse to live my life adherent to a belief system of “shoulds.”  For example, because I am a Christian I “should” take a pro-life stance.  Because I am a Christian, I “should” vote Republican.  Because I am a Christian, I “should” take a stance against homosexuality, I “should” never get drunk, I “should” actively try to save sinners and  I “should” not curse.  Because I am a Christian I “should” not have immoral thoughts and certainly not perform immoral acts.  The list goes on and on and on. 

The point is this:  I’m a Christian because of my love for Christ, not because I follow some sort of religious network of rules.  God knows my heart and He alone will change it in the areas in which it needs to be changed.  I live by relationship not by religion.  I live with love not judgment.

Simply stated:  Being a Christian gives me no right to judge others or condemn others or take a stance against their lifestyle or their choices.  I refuse to do that.  How people live, the choices they make and what they believe are between them and God.  My job is to love them and to help in any way I can… and that’s how I can call myself a Christian and still take a pro-life stance…without apology.

The religious fear and guilt movement of “shoulds” and “have to’s” in my life has ended.  I’m standing firm on my relationship with God; not on other people's opinion of me.  You can either judge me or love me.  The choice is yours.  ~

 

 

 

 

Radical Elitist Bigots Are Terrorists Too

I’m going to go off on a rant here, but it’s my blog so I’m allowed.  I’m not going to apologize if I step on toes with what I’m about to say, because I feel strongly that it needs to be said.

If you’re a Christian and you are judgmental and condemning to others, stop it.  You’re giving other Christians a bad rap, just like radical Islamic terrorists are giving Muslims a bad rap.  Not every Muslim is a terrorist and not every Christian is an elitist, judgmental jerk. 

On that note, allow me to point out a basic element of the Bible so that the Christians who are so outwardly condemning toward others, might see the error in their own ways; and stop giving us all a bad name.

Thou shalt not judge.  Period. 

Feel free to look this commandment up.  It’s located in several places in the Bible, Luke 6:37, Matthew 7:1, Romans 2:1, just to name a few.  More interesting than what it says is what it does NOT say.  It does NOT say, “Thou shalt not judge…with the exception of when you disagree with a particular law or lifestyle…. NO!  It simply says don’t judge other people, period.  Meaning, you don’t have the right to cast your condemning eyes on anyone other than yourself.  Stop pointing fingers and go look in the mirror and reflect on your own bigotry.

Faith. Hope. And Love, but the greatest of these is love.

Just because the Bible says God hates something, doesn’t give you the right to condemn those who do it.  The Bible does NOT say since God hates this thing you should tear down and obliterate anyone who has anything to do with it.  NO!  In fact, it says quite the opposite.  You are to love everyone.  You are to show love to everyone.  Your purpose on the planet is not to point out sin and dish out God’s judgment, adherent to a self-proclaimed “God agenda.”  Your purpose is simply to love.  Beyond that, God has given you no agenda.  You can’t even do that, so why in the world would He give you more to do?!

When Jesus was on the earth he spent most of his time with the so-called sinners, i.e. the tax-collectors, prostitutes, etc.  He stayed clear of the “church” people and I can’t say that I blame him.  I look at some of the quote “on-fire Christians” and I am repulsed by the elitism, the judgmental nature, the condemning attitude and the outright bigotry they emit.  On the inside they are no different than that Islamic terrorist.  It must make God sad to see how His very own people warp and use His words in His name to hurt others. 

The radical Muslim blows people up.  The radical Christian tears people down.   They are both terrorists to God’s ultimate plan to love one another.

Has it ever occurred to you that in your quest for the outward status of super-spirituality that you might actually be driving people further away from God?  With your elitist, “I’m chosen” attitude, have you ever noticed that the only people left in your life are the ones exactly like you; because you drive all others away?

Radical elitism is damaging no matter what religion you follow.  That’s why God said, love and don’t judge...because without judgment, elitism can't exist.  Without elitism, bigotry can't exist.  Without bigotry, there is equality and when there is equality, hatefulness ceases to exist.  That's what it means when God said, "the greatest of these is love." 

If you can't love others without being a radical, elitist, bigot... then please stop calling yourself a Christian; because true believers like me don't want to share the title with the likes of you.  ~