Evidentially, I have reached the ripened age of internal
combustion…at least that’s what it feels like…
spontaneous waves of fire that completely take over my body from the
inside out. There’s no rhyme or reason
for their onset. They aren’t driven by
the consumption of spicy food and they are unaffected by the amount of clothing
I wear or do not wear. In fact, I have rapidly
stripped down to nothing but my undies in the middle of the kitchen and the
heat remained constant.
Thankfully, they only last for a matter of seconds, but oh,
are those seconds intense! My face
flushes bright red and my neck gets instantly clammy with sweat. In fact, my entire body becomes sweaty as the
wave of heat runs from my toes to my head, burning hotter and hotter with every
inch it covers; until I finally dive for the freezer, thrust open the door and
try to cram as much of myself inside as I can.
All the while, leaving a trail of clothing behind.
When the heat subsides and I crawl out of the freezer, the
chills begin. There I stand, half-naked
and dripping with sweat, but freezing.
It’s the strangest phenomenon.
One moment I’m screaming, “I’m so hot!”
And the next, I’m moaning and shaking, “I’m too cold.”
My husband cocks his head to the side, puzzled by the broad range
of my temperature and feeling the urge to explain to me that the temperature in
the room hasn’t changed. This doesn’t
help.
I scramble back into my clothing, throw a fleece on top and
mumble under my breath how men get off easy, not having to have periods, go
through labor or endure hot flashes.
He grins as if I’ve just performed a comedic showcase, while
I roll my eyes and stomp out of the room.
I’ve concluded that hot flashes are God’s way of reminding
me that I should behave… because it’s too hot for me in hell. ~
Welcome to a very special club. Mid-life rocks, Susan! And think of hot flashes as bursts of creative energy!
ReplyDeleteI would love to have permission to use your last sentence as a quote in my email signature! Would you mind?
ReplyDeleteNo, go ahead and use it. :)
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