"This, That & The Other"

I was reading about a study that was conducted on 300+ women between the ages of 18-35 years regarding the effects of wearing a bra versus going braless. The study concluded that wearing a bra actually weakens muscles and causes more sagging.  You can read the study here.

I’m throwing a red flag, at least until further information is gathered.

 

 

First, how much sagging does that age demographic have?  I mean, why aren’t we conducting this study on women between the ages of 40-60 years?

Second, what size breasts are we studying?  If the 300+ women all belong to the itty-bitty-titty-committee than this is a moot point; however, if we’re studying DD’s then I have a difficult time believing that braless is better.

Third, were the researchers male or female, because (call me cynical) but I think men have a sexual incentive toward a scientific declaration that women are healthier braless.

More than any of the above reasons, I have two causes to object and both of them are attached to the front of my body.  For fun, let’s call them “This and That.”  Now, “This and That” are an average C in size.  They aren’t huge, but they’re not small potatoes either.  That being said, the mere thought of them slopping around in braless bliss is, well, uncomfortable.  If I bend over to pick something up, their likely to fall around my ears, and if I jog down the stairs, I could end up in the hospital.  Seriously, they need to be contained!

Now, I see some smaller breasted women wearing cute little halter tops without bras, and their breasts sit nicely in place…all perfectly perky…and I think to myself, “They look good.”  But “This and That” don’t sit perky or properly when braless.  They go wild.  They’re completely out of control.  They dive out of the sides, squeeze out of the top and smash themselves downward.  Truly, I tell you, they must be contained!

I envy women with breast implants because they can pull off a braless look like no one’s business!  They’re breasts are perky and round and ripe and always, always look good.  “This and That”…. well, not so much.  Women with implants can lie on their back and they’re breasts stay right where they belong.  “This and That” flop to the sides and try to hide in my arm pits.  Implanted breasts are like dogs that have gone through obedience school and exceled, while “This and That” are like the mutts that got kicked out of class for pooping on the carpet and chasing the neighbor’s cat.

Sigh.  I’m thankful to have breasts…but sometimes I wish “This and That” were well behaved enough to take them out in public, braless.  Maybe in time I’ll get them lifted, sucked, tucked, or whatever it is doctor’s do these days to reign them in.  “This and That” are a hand full… and don’t even get me started on “The Other.”  <wink>

Barbie Blunder

Some moron decided it would be a good idea to see what Barbie would look like had she aged with the rest of us and here is what they came up with:

 

Yikes!  Now, let me first say that true beauty is internal and it radiates from within.  All other forms of beauty are external, and let’s face it, if you don’t first have the internal, the external plight is hopeless.  What I mean is this:  if you’re ugly on the inside, it doesn’t matter how outwardly pretty you might appear, because that internal ugliness will shine through and your outer beauty will quickly fade.  We’ve all met people who look gorgeous and then they start talking and you realize they are just plain ugly; and we’ve met not-so-good-looking individuals who start talking and become more and more beautiful as they speak.   

Inner beauty trumps outer beauty every time.

That being said, Barbie possesses no internal beauty because, obviously, she’s a lump of non-living matter.  She has only one source of beauty and that is dependent on how she is made in the factory.  Barbie needs her cute little figure, her perfectly plumped, pink lips, her shiny blonde hair and her dynamite smile to attract not only Ken and GI Joe, but potential buyers as well.  See, Barbie is a tool for imaginative play.  Barbie is a toy and like any other toy, she must appeal to the child.  Now, I ask you, does this aged, non-make-up-wearing Barbie appeal to children?  Not any children I know!

What are parents supposed to do…give their daughters this version of Barbie and say, “See, honey, in forty years you’re going to have no waist, your boobs will sag to your belly button, you’ll wake up looking like you tied one on last night even when you didn’t, your hair will thin and turn gray, and you’ll wet your pants when you sneeze.  Ain’t life grand!”

Really?!?  What child needs that dose of reality to spoil their imaginative play time?  Helloooo?  Does anyone else find this idea ludicrous?  Hell, why not sell some Barbie Depends as an add on, and Barbie hormone pills…and while you’re at it, you better make sure you get some boner-building meds for Ken too, that is, if the makers plan to have him age with her.  I'm not sure, in her current condition, that she could handle eighteen year old, Ken's erection.  But, maybe I'm wrong... maybe we slap some wrinkle cream on her and some bright red lipstick and she could become Cougar Barbie. 

Let’s face it…aging sucks.  We all know it.  We all try to fight it but it’s a reality we face daily…and our kids see us age.  That’s real life; but guess what…kids play with toys to escape real life.  They don’t want to play with ugly, hung-over, fifty year old, sagging Barbie.  They want perky, fun, pretty Barbie. 

Hell, don’t we all?!? ~

 

Running...AWAY!

I’m in my early forties and I’ve noticed that there seems to be a trend among the people of my age group…they’ve all become runners.

Before I begin my rant, let me say this:  Deep down I think the fact that so many have laced up their sneakers and taken to pounding the pavement is great.  I applaud their effort.  Running is good and there is a part of me that is envious of those who have the drive and determination to do it.

But…

I fail to see the satisfaction.  Years ago I ran the Bolder Boulder, which is a 10K in Boulder, Colorado.  It wasn’t fun, but, despite the fact that I thought I might die, I made it to the finish line.  Last year I ran Warrior Dash in Copper Mountain, Colorado, which is a 5K run/obstacle course at 8,000+ feet above sea level.  The obstacles were fun, but the running part was not.   

 

 

 

The point is, I find it unfulfilling, unrewarding and downright painful…so unless there’s some incentive awaiting me at the finish line, like, oh, I don’t know, a clean-shaven George Clooney holding a giant margarita and an enormous plate of nachos…my heart just isn’t in it.

Mmmm.... now THAT'S motivating!  But, I digress...

I look at the many people in my life who have become runners and I marvel at their passion for it.  I also wonder how many have a genuine love for it and how many just want to be able to say, “I ran that half-marathon.”  I totally understand the latter, as I have done many things in life simply to be able to say, “yes, I did that.”  (i.e. Skydiving)  I think we all have bucket list items like this.  The people that really intrigue me are the ones who are obsessed with running.  The ones who say things like, “I’ve got to carb up because I’m burning too many calories on my ten mile daily run.”

Really?

What’s that like? What is it like to look in the mirror and say, “Damn, I’m so skinny I better carb up.”  I can’t even imagine.

I understand someone taking up running in an effort to lose weight, i.e. jogging at the gym or around the neighborhood three times per week.  I will occasionally get on the treadmill and try to work off my bulges…but, honestly, I hate every second of it.  In fact, I loathe it and dread it and it makes me crabby just thinking about it.  Blah.  I’d rather scrub the toilets than get on the treadmill.  Admittedly, I feel great afterwards and my runner friends tell me that it’s because of the adrenaline surge and release of endorphins during the run.  I think it’s just psychologically rewarding because I actually got my fat ass onto the treadmill and worked out, wherein I can put a big orange checkmark of accomplishment on my calendar for that day.

I was pleased to learn that running outside is now being frowned upon in the medical community, documented for causing long-term knee problems.  I already have titanium screws in one knee from a ski jump years ago, so that bit of medical breakthrough allowed me to wipe my hands of the idea of ever running a half-marathon; not that the notion was ever seriously being considered.  Also, they are finding that runners are showing signs of aging earlier than non-runners.  This is due to sun/weather exposure for those that run daily outside.  Doctors are saying that avid runners have more facial wrinkles and drooping breasts than non-runners and they are attributing this to the constant pounding of the pavement that bounces more than just the lower half of the body.

That’s all I needed to hear.  Age and gravity are tough enough; I don’t feel the urge to add any extra fuel to the fire.  Suffice to say, me and my wrinkle creams and my underwire bra are going to find a different way to tone and shape and manage weight.  When it comes to the idea of running….I’m running AWAY!  ~