Life is Funny and Funny has FUN in it!

OMG!  People!  Lighten Up!

Comedy exists to bring pleasure and release, not to force deep contemplation or discussion about humanity and the society therein which we dwell.  Can’t funny just be funny?  Why is everyone so damn serious all of the time?  I don’t want to go off on a rant here…but…

I posted a video excerpt on my Facebook page from the television show, 3^rd Rock from the Sun.  It’s a comedic look at voting.  After that post, I got emails asking me why I would struggle to vote this year and many telling me who was the “right” candidate for America.  Are you kidding me?  Can't you put your stupid, political opinion aside for ten seconds and just enjoy the humor of a sitcom?!

Then, I posted a clip from the game show, Family Feud, with Steve Harvey, who I think is quite amusing.  The question in the clip is:  Fill in the blank, as a married man I would _____ for sex.  The first guy hits his buzzer and blurts, “Pay!”  Steve Harvey’s expression is priceless, as it is when the other answers emerge.  Lie.  Beg.  Kill.  Die.   You can watch the clip here:  https://www.facebook.com/susan.claridge/posts/10209758709220354?pnref=story 

I posted that what I found most amusing was that two of the women answered with “cook” and “clean.”  These are obviously wrong answers for the show…but I teasingly remarked that if men would merely cook and clean more often they would never HAVE to pay, lie, beg, kill or die for sex.

Multiple emails filled my box with people who were offended by this post.   They wanted to know how I could condone a married man paying for sex.  Another person wanted to know why I thought it was okay for a man to lie in order to get laid.  One person asked why I thought it was acceptable for a woman to expect a man to have to cook and clean in order to get sex.  Unbelievable.  A fourth wanted to know why married people would want to hire prostitutes in the first place.

People… people…breathe.  I simply posted a clip I thought was amusing.  It’s spoofing the fact that sex is so important to a man that he will do just about anything to get it.  It’s supposed to be fun, lighthearted, funny.  There is no deeper, hidden meaning.  Steve Harvey isn’t saying that married men should pay, beg, lie, kill or die for sex.

Chill out already!  Don’t be so frigid in your thinking that you can no longer appreciate humor.  Comedians joke about sex all the time… because, well, the dichotomy of the male versus female sexual outlook can be funny.  And married women, maybe if you “put out” a little more, the jokes wouldn’t hit so close to home, and you wouldn’t get so upset about it.  And married men, maybe you would get more action in the bedroom if you took more action in the kitchen.  I’m jus’ sayin.’

I’m so tired of all of this ultra-diplomacy, where we can’t call a spade a spade because we fear that someone, somewhere might get their panties in a wad.  Well, wad those suckers up …or better yet, rip ‘em off and go commando.  Enjoy life.  Embrace comedy.  

If we lose our sense of humor, there is nothing left.  And dare I say it, but if you have lost your sense of humor maybe it signifies that you're not getting laid often enough!  

The reality is, none of us get out of this living thing alive and we’ve only got one shot…so enjoy it.  Love deep.  Laugh hard.  Be healthy.  Be kind to yourself and others.  Make a fool of yourself now and again. Be respectful and gracious and honest.  Have a drink on occasion.  Try new things.  Be courageous.  Be hospitable.  Pray.  Learn from your mistakes.  Forgive.  Apologize when it’s your fault.  Listen to all kinds of music.  Be kind to animals.  Dream big.  And get laid a lot.  (I didn't say pay for it or lie or beg or kill or die for it.)  The point is, the only things you'll look back and regret are those chances you didn't take...the stolen kiss you turned away from...the moment you let pass you by and the opportunity you let slip away because you feared what others might think about you. 

Don't be frigid in the way you think, live and love. Be true.  Let go of the labels and let yourself laugh at the humor in it all. 

Whatever you do…whoever you are…don’t take life so seriously that you miss out on the comedy that is all around you.  Life is funny and funny has the word FUN in it.  I don’t think that’s a coincidence.   ~

An "Action of Love" ...Not Really

I often wonder what travels through the minds of people.  I'm sure others wonder this about me as well.  It's human nature to be curious and to seek understanding.  I also wonder how it is that some people can so easily judge under the guise of "love."  How they can put so much time and effort into something that, when that time and effort is stripped away, is nothing more than a foundation of judgment, hidden in what is supposed to be seen as an action of love.  How is it that they believe it is their job or their right to take this action...even if it came from a place of love...Judgment rolled in love is still judgment.  Condemnation rolled in love is still condemning.

As I sip my coffee this morning and pray for a softer heart and understanding... the twinge in my gut and the nausea in my stomach is a sad confirmation of my initial reaction to this "act of love."  I pray for a way to define what I'm feeling so that I can dissect it, cut through the emotion and think rationally.  The word that keeps penetrating my thoughts is arrogance.

This "action of love" was dripping with arrogance and it sent a red flag soaring in my spirit.  Asking myself if I would ever do the same, the answer is a resounding no.  I wouldn't...but not because the thought behind it wasn't special...but because the river of arrogance carrying that thought is something to which I cannot relate.  I would never deem myself worthy enough to take this action.  I would never assume that I knew better than everyone else and that it was my duty to pass my knowledge, my perspective, my beliefs, my interpretations, and my outlooks onto them.  I would never assume that I knew more than anyone else.

How can an act of love send such a crushing blow?

Often times when judgment is dolled out under the pretense of love, we try to use that affection to justify the judgment; but it cannot.  There is no justification.  There is no blanket of love large enough to mask or hide the true spirit behind the action.

I don't sit here in anger this morning... I sit here in sadness.  Once more, arrogance has reared it's ugly head and taken out the feet of those it encountered.  Out of love, you say?

No.  Love waits and speaks when asked.  Love doesn't force or assume a position that is not theirs to assume.  Love doesn't push. Love doesn't drive a wedge.  "Love is patient and kind.  It does not envy or boast and it is not proud."

Thought, time and effort can be beautiful actions of love but only when they are not dipped in utter arrogance, laced with condemnation and a raw, hurtful action of judgment.

#crushed

 

Tiny Treasures

A lot of people on Facebook post “thankful” statuses during the month of November.  I like to read them because their posts remind me of the many things for which I am thankful.  There are too many to list; but it got me thinking about the whole concept of thankfulness. 

To be thankful means to feel or show an appreciation for someone or something that has been bestowed upon us.  It’s indicative of receiving a blessing and expressing gratitude. 

There are people who actually feel they have nothing for which to be thankful, but I don’t believe this is the case.  If we look at each moment in our lives… I mean, really get close and look…we’ll find tiny treasures we have missed.  A smile.  Laughter.  A hug.  An act of kindness from a stranger that went seemingly unnoticed. 

I think we are often times so hurried and harried that we miss some of life’s simplest blessings.  There are mornings when I am flying around my kitchen trying to make breakfast, make lunches, fill water bottles, get backpacks ready and get the kids off to school, and it isn’t until they are gone that I realize I didn’t even make eye contact with them.  They talked and I nodded a hurried “uh-huh” or “okay,” but I didn’t really engage in the conversation or connect with them.  Their smiles light up my heart in a way nothing else can, and when I get too busy I miss out on that simple morning blessing.  It was there, but I didn’t see it.  I’m making a point to never miss out on that blessing again.

Nothing in this world matters more than the people God has placed in our lives.  Oh, sure, sometimes they can make us want to pull out our hair, but that’s just a part of love.  Sometimes we make them want to pull out their hair as well.  I believe God hand selects those that will cross our paths, for reasons we may or may not know; but important nonetheless.  Our job may be to influence them and their job may be to change us…either way, it is the act of journeying together that matters most. 

Each morning when I awake I thank God for another day and then I quickly give the day back to Him because if I hold onto it I’m bound to screw it up.  He has to hold it for me, in the safety of His hands and guided by His wisdom, not my lack of it.  Then, I thank Him for all of the people for whom He has brought into my life and blessed me.  I pray that I will not miss the tiny, treasurable moments of seeing their smiles, sharing their laughter and giving tight hugs.  These blessings are what fill me.  They are what make everything else in life bearable.  

During this month, I am striving to treasure every tender moment… to tuck it into my heart and let it sprout roots of joy.  ~

Our Love Is Like Chocolate

This is yet another chocolate-themed poem that was published in a Vanilla Heart Anthology.  I think this is the last one.  Boy, after reading these I'm really craving some chocolate... and a bit of sensual bliss would be nice too!  :)    Enjoy! 

Our Love is Like Chocolate

by S.R.Claridge

 

Our love is like chocolate,

milky and sweet;

I crave him

like an addictive treat.

His touch is velvet,

his muscles are steel;

he shows me the way

a woman should feel.

 

Our love is like chocolate,

delectably dark,

deliciously lustful

and filled with heart.

He gives me chills,

that are tingly warm,

like a cup of hot cocoa

amid a storm.

 
Our love is like chocolate.

I long for a bite;

to taste his sweet passion

all through the night.

With one tender kiss

my defenses are slain;

his love pours down

like sensual rain.

 

Our love is like chocolate,

rich and sublime;

I pray we indulge

‘til the end of time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spouse in my House - New Release

Marriage has its ups and downs, peaks and valleys, pleasures and pains.  It’s easy for couples to get distracted with life and forget why they ever fell in love.  Spouse In My House is a unique look at one couple’s fight to rekindle their flame on a journey of sexual enlightenment and marital bliss. 

I am excited to announce the release of this short poetic story about hope, love and re-igniting that spark of romance we all crave. 

"A unique and poetic look at sex and marriage, a la the styling of Dr. Seuss."

~ RipeReviews 

 

Spouse In My House is available now in all Ebook formats from Smashwords.   (Coming soon to Amazon and Barnes & Noble)

 

 

Anti-Against

So many times we define ourselves by what we are against, when the real challenge is in finding out what we are for…. because when you are truly for something, everyone will know what you are against without you having to say it, force it or beat them over the head with it.  The best form of protest is not in standing against something, but in standing for something better.    

In standing for something, we are highlighting a positive.  In standing against something, we are illuminating a negative.  Which position will be better received by others?  The negative or the positive?  Which stance will promote growth and healing and birth new perspective?  The negative or the positive? 

When you live for something, you promote a positive energy, whereas, when you stand against something, you generate a negative energy.  Actively standing against something makes others feel condemned, while simply living for something promotes a certain sense of peace and respect in the foundational faith in which you have chosen to live your life.   Some people call this “tolerance” and frown upon it.  Some even say it is a “sin” to not take an active stance against certain things.  I smile and nod and walk away from those people.  For, to me, intolerance and judgment are far more damaging and, dare I say, “sinful.”  

Who am I to judge sin?  Who are you to label what is sin and what is not sin?  We are all mere humans, interpreting the Bible in many different ways; and in the process, sadly missing the truth.  The truth is simple:  No one is without sin.  That means you nor I have the right to stand against anyone else and the choices they have made for their life.  Before you raise that hate sign in the name of God or plaster duct tape across your lips in the name of God, go look in the mirror.  

 

Let the man or woman without sin cast the first stone.

Religion makes rules.  God wants relationship.  There is no human being on the planet worthy of labeling any action “sinful.”  Only God has the right, the power, the authority and the ability to label sin.  Not even the Pope, viewed as the godliest man in the world, possesses that right.

We need to stop the negativity. We need to stop the Anti-Anti-  Anti-  and start promoting the Pro- Pro- Pro-.   Isn’t it ironic that the Anti-, as in Anti-Christ, can so violently squelch the Pro-, as in Pro-mise of Christ?   Isn't it amazing how negative energy seems to spread so much faster than positive energy?  What would happen if we all stopped standing against something and started, instead, to stand for something better in our lives?  What would happen if we stopped judging one another and started loving each other?  What would happen if we stopped focusing on the bad stuff and started promoting the good stuff?  Could it be that positive energy would spread faster than the negative if we only gave it a chance?  What would happen if we stopped pointing fingers and started shaking hands?

Live in relationship with God and one another.  Love God.  Love others.  Be thankful for the gift of life and the blessings that befall you.  If we all stand for love, goodness, kindness, mercy and truth, there will not be a need to stand against anything.

Start living for something today. ~

Exodus from Hate

I just read an article wherein Exodus International has announced that they are shutting down in an effort to stop hurting people. 

What a remarkable statement their founder, Alan Chambers, has made.  I believe he should be commended for his change of heart and his efforts in finally taking the right steps...steps away from accidentally spreading hate...steps toward a Biblical foundation of "love thy neighbor."

My favorite quote from the announcement is: "For quite some time we’ve been imprisoned in a worldview that’s neither honoring toward our fellow human beings, nor biblical."

You can read the full announcement HERE.  But, beyond that, I encourage you to read Chambers full apology stated on the Exodus website, wherein he shares his personal convictions, his experiences and what ultimately led him to this decision.  You can read that by clicking HERE.

Another favorite quote from Chambers is:  "My beliefs about these things (sex and marriage) will never again interfere with God’s command to love my neighbor as I love myself."   

Chambers has certainly gone against the grain and taken a risky stance for a man in his position, and I believe he should be commended.  Any Believer who is able to publically admit that, though their intentions were good, they ultimately went off track and ended up hurting people with God's Word instead of promoting healing, is, well, a fine, upstanding individual in my book.  It takes guts to come out and say you were wrong.  It takes strength to admit that you've gone off track and it takes courage to shut everything down so you can repair and re-focus.  Chambers is going to open another ministry and says he and his wife are dedicated to the focus of proclaiming God's grace and salvation for everyone.  He said, "Grace is the center of salvation, not sin; our focus should be on grace."

I tried to commend him in a somewhat public forum yesterday and was immediately shot down by fellow Christians, one in particular, who accused me of calling ALL Christians bigots.  As can be typical of the radical right, who ironically think they are always right but should probably be called the radical wrong, she only saw the issue of homosexuality and never even bothered to look at Chamber's heart. She jumped all over me, trying to put words in my mouth, trying to accuse me of words I hadn't said and wasn't even thinking...to the point that I finally told her to kiss my ass.  And then she played the victim (insert eye roll here).  Oh, so typical.

Christians.  It's people like this woman that make me ashamed to bear the title and people like Alan Chambers that make me proud to be a Believer. 

Alan Chambers, you ROCK!  May others follow your lead and learn to walk in love instead of hate, judgment and condemnation.  After all, we are ALL created equal and we ALL are saved by grace, God's acceptance and His love.  There is no room for discrimination and finger-pointing; and one thing we, Christians, seem to forget or overlook is the nasty little fact that casting judgment is just one more form of sin.  May we all look in the mirror as Chambers has done.  ~

Epiphany

June is a crazy month.  I haven’t blogged in over a week because there’s been a lot going on in my life.  Nothing bad…just the normal hectic stuff…schedules and commitments that keep me from having any opportunity to sit at my keyboard.  Consequently, I’ve been buried in email because I just haven’t had time to keep up with it.  As July approaches, I am seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.  Of course, there’s always the chance it might be a freight train about to run me over.

Though I haven’t blogged much in June, I have thought deeply about some things.  These thoughts may be indicative of a mid-life crisis or they may actually be signs of some form of spiritual growth…who knows.  I’ve observed people, history, and mulled over personal experiences and have come to the conclusion that religion sucks.  I can honestly sit here and tell you that in my experience and in my observations religion has caused more problems than it has done good.  I have come to the poignant conclusion, or had an epiphany,  that religion is nothing more than the conglomeration of political games in the name of God, hinging its success on the power of guilt and fear.  How many people throughout history have died fighting over a religion? How many people have justified killing with religion?  How many relationships and friendships have been destroyed over religion?

And where is God in all of that mayhem and madness?  Probably shaking His head and wondering how humanity can so outlandishly miss the point.

Whenever I question things of a spiritual nature, I always go back to three fundamental things.  Faith, Hope and Love.  The greatest and most important being love.  If we love God and we love others, how then does religion even matter?  If we live simply by this principal, where then does religion gain its power over us? 

Love is untainted, pure and the most powerful force in existence.  If we simply spread that love with our lives, isn’t that enough?  Jesus Himself said, “the greatest of these is love.”  Therefore, I take that to mean that above all else, we are to love….God, others, ourselves, and all things living. 

Religion taints love with regulations and guilt and fear tactics.  Give this much.  Don’t do that.  Do this.  God hates this.  God loves that.  The asinine rules go on and on and on. The irony is that love isn’t about rules, it’s about relationship. The Ten Commandments are rules, yes, but if you are living a life of love, following those commandments is a given.  If you are living a life of love then you have no desire to murder or steal from someone else or deceive others. If you are living a life of love, giving to assist others is second nature, lending a helping hand is common place.  You don’t need to be told to do it… because you already desire to do it.

If life isn’t for living and living abundantly than what is the point in being here?  I ask myself this question frequently.  If our purpose for being on the planet isn’t to love others and have a damn good time while doing it, then why the hell are we here?

I have many friends from different religious backgrounds.  Most, if not all (myself included) have suffered severe guilt from their religions.  Don’t. Don’t. Don’t.   That’s the favorite religious word.  Don’t drink. Don’t smoke.  Don’t listen to secular music.  Don’t dance.  Don’t wear pants.  Don’t swear.  Don’t curse.  Don’t have premarital sex.  Don’t use birth control.  Don’t drink caffeine.  Don’t show your ankles.  Don’t go out in public without your head covered.  The list goes on and on and on; and not one of these rules has anything to do with God and love.

It’s all a sham.  It’s a money making power trip.  It’s a political game in the name of God and I am hereby standing up and publically blowing raspberries in the face of religion.

I love God and I love His son, Jesus Christ and I am thankful every second of every day for salvation and the blessings He has bestowed upon me… and I say this recognizing fully that nothing in this sentence has anything to do with religion.

Life is a gift… one religion wants to control, stifle and command.  Don’t let it.  Life is a gift that was meant to opened and enjoyed and shared.   No father gives his children the gift of rules and regulations and judgments and condemnations, fear and guilt… neither does our Heavenly Father.   He gives life and love and He gives it abundantly.

I understand fully now that Religion gives rules while God gives relationship. I choose the latter. 

My entire life has been one quilt after another quilt and one fear after another fear, all religion related; and I’m just plum tuckered out.  So, Religion, you can kiss my big, fat, white ass.  You can take all the fear and guilt, the judgment and condemnation and shove it…. because life is too damn short.  I’m going to live the way I want to live.  I’m going to love God and love others and I’m going to do it my way.  Like Frank Sinatra sang, “I did it my way.”

The irony is, I’m not writing this from a rebellious spirit, but rather from a place of understanding.  See, if I strive to follow all of the rules and yet, am so stifled by them that what I’m doing, and how I’m living isn’t real; then the love I’m trying to show isn’t real.  It’s all a façade and I don’t want to live a façade any longer.  I want to live loving people because it’s how I truly feel, not because it’s just one more thing I’m “supposed” to do.  I’m done with the religious “have-tos”…. I’m finished with the bullshit.  If I’d rather sit on my deck on Sunday morning and have Bloody Marys with friends instead of going to church, I’m going to do it and I’m no longer going to feel guilty about it.  Why?  Because let me say it straight, sometimes church is boring and friends are more fun.   That’s saying a lot because I go to a pretty exciting church…still, there are days when I feel closer to God at home than I do in the church. 

See, God is everywhere and anywhere.  I don’t have to get on my knees or pray a certain prayer or be in a particular building.  I can talk to Him in my home, on a mountain and even on the toilet.  He’s there and listening….just like a dad…because He is one.  It’s about love not church.  It’s about love not rules.  It’s about love not have-to’s and shoulds.

Love…it literally and figuratively makes the world go ‘round.  It’s all that matters.  It’s the salve that soothes.  It’s the only constant and the only fix that works.  It’s healing and intoxicating and it fulfills unlike anything else on the planet.  Love…that’s what life is all about.  ~

God Can Take It

I often think about what my children will remember about me long after I am gone.  Not so much what they will recall about me personally, but what life lessons I will have been able to impart.  One of my main goals as a mom is to teach them that it’s okay on occasion to be angry with God.   Just as we sometimes get angry with people that we love, it doesn’t mean we stop loving them; and God is no different.  I never want my children to be afraid of God, as if He is sitting up there, watching their every move, just waiting for them to make a mistake so He can outpour His wrath.  That is such a misconception.  I want my kids to know that God is a Father, and like most fathers, He wants the very best for His children.  He wants them to love Him and trust Him and talk to Him.  He wants them to know that He’ll never leave them, nor forsake them… He’ll never turn His back when they’ve made a poor choice.  I want my kids to know that God forgives them each and every time they blow it; and not only forgives them, but helps them dust themselves off and scramble back to their feet when they fall down. 

Life isn’t fair…but that doesn’t mean it isn’t good.  Bad things can and do happen to very good people and it is natural, in those circumstances, to question why God allowed it to occur.  I’ve had my share of broken moments, where I have been screaming at the Lord, like an angry child… His angry child.  Through it all, He’s never stopped loving me and I’ve never stopped loving Him.  I trust Him because I believe in Him and He’s only ever shown Himself faithful and loving, even in my darkest hours.  I can’t explain why terrible things happen, but I know that when they happen, I am never alone.

It’s okay to be angry with God, He can take it.  It’s okay to question what is written in the Bible and what others say about Him.  In fact, it’s good to question.  Questioning is a form of seeking and seeking will bring understanding of the truth.  I want my children to never render themselves spoon-fed without researching and studying the Word of God for themselves.  I want them to know that God’s love is not conditional…that they can do nothing to earn it and nothing to lose it.  He is eternal and so is His love for us.

Life is a mystery and everything can change in the blink of an eye; but it isn’t a mystery to God and He doesn’t blink or miss a thing so there is no reason to live in fear.  I want my kids to realize that God is bigger than everything and He’s a good one to have on their side.  We will endure hardship but He causes all things to work together for good for those that love Him (Romans 8:28)… that’s a promise to which I cling and I hope my children will as well.  ~

An Abyss of Indifference

Love comes in many shapes, sizes and colors but it never comes in the form of hate.

 

Hate comes in many shapes, sizes and colors as well, and it never stems from a heart filled with love. 

The opposite of hate is love, but the opposite of love is not hate; it's indifference. 

Love is the most powerful tool in the world.

Hate is the most destructive weapon.

They say there is a fine line between the two, but it isn't a line at all; it's an abyss of indifference and it will leave the soul completely void.  ~ 

To be Loved

I received the sweetest love note from a stranger on Facebook and I just have to share it:

“I saw something in your face, something that made my heart pause to read you, something that tickles in the heart, could it be love at first sight? Maybe we could find that out,lol.

I'm talking about faith here when feelings are so powerful it's as if some force beyond your control is guiding you to someone who can make you happy beyond your wildest dreams.”

I obviously wrote back and told him I was married, but I also thanked him for the lovely note, which came at a time when I desperately needed an emotional boost.  Sometimes it’s the words of a stranger that carry you through.  Sometimes the people closest to you are too close to see what you’re feeling and it takes someone standing far off to realize that your heart is in need of attention.

Sometimes we get so busy with our schedules and activities and deadlines and meetings that we stop noticing people.  We see bodies but not faces.  We hear words but cease to sense the heart behind the words.  Life becomes a blur of responsibilities and something inside just dies.  We stop noticing.  We become too busy to feel.  Overwrought with exhaustion, life literally passes by and we don’t even know all that has been sacrificed.

We all have needs.  Whether male or female, we all have an innate desire to feel wanted, pursued, craved, accepted, nurtured, and loved.  We all need to feel like we are a priority in someone’s life…like what we feel matters and matters enough that they’d stop the world if they could to heal your soul.  Isn’t that the magic we all seek?  

To be loved in a way that transcends logic… to be loved senselessly...to be loved entirely.  ~     

 

 

Big Idiot Gone Off Track

I am a heterosexual, Caucasian woman, married to a heterosexual, Caucasian man.  We have friends of all shapes and sizes. Some are Caucasian, African American, Asian, Mexican and Indian, some are heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual, some Christian, some are Jewish, some are religious and some are not.  The point is our friendships are based on each individual person and not on color, race, religion, sexual preference or affiliation to any particular group.

That being said, I want to share what happened to me the other day.  I was speaking with a woman I had just met and she was asking me questions about where my children take lessons, on which teams they play, etc.  It was a typical mom-to-mom type of discussion.  At least, it started out that way…

When I mentioned one of the affiliations we have, her expression changed.  It was as if her emotions flat-lined and a disapproving glare filled her eyes.  She leaned in closer to me and whispered.  “Doesn’t it bother you to have your children exposed to a homosexual lifestyle?  Don’t you feel that’s setting a bad example for them?”

All I could do was step back in shock.  I was utterly amazed at the bigotry that faced me.  We were in public so making a big scene wasn’t an option.  I smiled politely and said, “No, these particular people are not only my friends, but they are a wonderful influence on me and my children.”  I excused myself and left; but it got me thinking…

I remember years ago when a very close friend of mine was told that she couldn’t work with a church youth group because of her sexual orientation.  I was livid then, and I’m still livid now.  This woman is one of the godliest people I know.  She’s unpretentious, she’s honest, she’s open and trustworthy.  I consider her to be one of my most reliable prayer warriors.  In fact, on 9/11 when for seven long minutes I didn’t know if my husband was on one of the United flights out of Boston, she was the first phone call I made.   I love her to death and the pastor who denied her the ability to work in the youth group made a terrible mistake.  There would have been no greater influence on those teenage lives than this woman.

Bigotry comes in many packages, but is most commonly wrapped up with a big, bright bow of religious righteousness.  What the bigot doesn’t understand is that there is nothing righteous in the condemnation or judgment of others. 

Jesus said to love others.  He didn’t say to love them only if they fit into your close-minded box of what you deem is right or good.  He simply said to love one another.  And here’s a statement that should get the right-wing religious panties in a wad:  Jesus didn’t say to try to change others.  He said only to love them.  Some religious people become arrogant about their ability to befriend a homosexual, as if the very fact that they are embracing what they consider to be a “sinner” makes them godlier.  In reality, their arrogance makes them less godly.

People…we are equal in God’s eyes.  Color, religion, race, sexual orientation…none of it matters.  We’re equal.  We all have our challenges and we all face our own demons.  Life is difficult enough without judging one another on top of it. 

What is a Bigot?  Big. Idiot. Gone. Off. Track.

I think we need to stop grouping people together and start looking at individual hearts.  ALL homosexuals aren’t bad influences any more than ALL heterosexuals are good influences.  Truth be told, I’d rather have my kids exposed to a loving relationship between two people of the same sex than a violent, hateful relationship between two people of the opposite sex.  Which one better teaches them the meaning of love and commitment?

Choose who will be in your life based on the connection you feel on the inside, not on the exterior pre-judgments of a religious society that has ironically condemned, degraded and abused more people throughout history than any other group.  

 

Love God.  Love others. It’s really that simple.  ~

 

 

 

Me...In A Nutshell

“Where does a person go to fit in when those of her own faith judge her to be too pagan and worldly?”

I saw this quote on a Facebook status the other day and it stuck with me.  Maybe it’s because it is the story of my life and the constant pondering of my soul.  You see, the greatest judgments in my life have come from those that share my faith, but do not share my religion because, as it would seem, I have none.

There is a vast difference between religion and relationship and I truly believe that God doesn’t care what religion you practice as long as you have a relationship with Him.  I believe He wants you to know Him and love Him as much as He loves you.  Does it matter if you worship the Almighty on a mountaintop or in a pew?  No.  It only matters that you worship Him.

Hate and violence stir our nation, and they stem from one source…judgment.  Mother Teresa said, “If you’re judging someone you are too busy to love them.”  There are countless verses in the Bible that speak against judging others.  The reason for this emphasis is that judgment stems from a spirit of hatefulness masked in an evangelical motive of purity labeled “God’s Agenda.”

But it is wrong.

 

The world may end in judgment, but the agenda of the Most High is one of love first, followed by mercy and compassion. Put your hate signs down.  Stop your condemnation of others.  If you need to point a finger go look in the mirror. Fight against the enemy, not against one another.  Who IS the enemy?  Hate is the enemy and it shows itself in the form of judgment derived from pseudo-godly arrogance and elitism.

Let me pose an odd question:  How many atheists are judging others for their beliefs or lifestyle choices? 

Now, I’m not saying I think people should become atheists.  I’m merely pointing out that somewhere along the line it seems that the "religious" people have picked up the torch of hate and have begun terrorizing the villagers and burning the towns…all in the name of God, which is ironic since God is love, not hate. 

Love is the most powerful influence in the world, and its counterpart, Hate, is the most destructive weapon known to mankind.  It starts in the heart and is fed by arrogance until it finally manifests itself in an act of violence against others.  "I'm right and you're wrong," is the foundation of judgment.  "I hold the truth and you are deceived," is the foundation of judgment.  Judgment, fed by arrogance and elitsim results in hateful actions, some of which can manifest violently.

I may not have a “religion” that those who share my faith can understand; but I have a relationship with God.  You won’t see me in church every Sunday, because quite frankly, I don’t always feel close to God while I’m in church.  You won’t find me handing out tracks, putting ‘Life’ tape over my lips or holding a sign that says ‘God hates homosexuality.’  I refuse to cast judgment on anyone else.  I'm not "right" and I don't hold a "truth" that isn't available to anyone else.  Thus, it isn’t my place to spew forth judment and frankly, I don’t want to carry the hatefulness that accompanies judgment in my heart. 

Hate destroys.  Whether you use a gun, a bomb, a knife, a rope, a sign or your words…hate brings about destruction; internal and external.  And if you are invoking judgment and destruction in the name of God or under the guise of His agenda, shame on you.  Shame, shame, shame on you.

I once had a fellow Christian scoff at me and say, “Well, how many people have you led to Christ?”  I didn’t answer, for it was none of her business.  That answer is between me and God.  I should have asked her, “How many people have you chased away from Christ with your judgmental arrogance and hateful elitism?”  That is the real question.

People of my faith don’t always like me…and I’m learning that that’s okay.  God likes me and He loves me and my faith is established in HIM alone and not the man-made, religious rules that cause damage to others.  Jesus said to love others, not judge them.  "Love your neighbor as yourself."

Would you stand in your own yard with 'Life' tape on your mouth?  Would you stand in your own yard holding a "God hates ME" sign?  Would you treat yourself the way you are treating the rest of the world who doesn't agree with you?

I might be nuts, but in the words of Gladys from the Ellen Show, “I love Jesus, but I drink a little.”  J  That’s me in a nutshell.  ~

A Facade of Peace

Have you ever tried to please everyone in your life and then, all of a sudden, you realize you’re the one that’s miserable?  Why do we do that?  Why is acceptance so important that we’re willing to give up our dreams or try to change who we are?  I’ve been pondering these questions as of late…

 

I think we all have an innate need to be loved, but we also need to feel that people like us, respect us and desire to be with us.  This urge can become so strong that we sacrifice who we are in order to please those around us.  We give up everything we believe in, in order to keep the peace.

Loving someone often means you sacrifice for them and they, for you.  This is called relational balance. It’s a mutual giving and taking.  It is based on a level of respect for one another.  Loving someone means that their concerns become your concerns, that their heart means as much to you or even more to you than your heart, that their dreams and aspirations become your goals as well.  It means you don’t idly stand by and watch them pursue something dangerous, because you love them too much to see them hurting.  Love can be wonderfully easy at times and it can be devastatingly tough.

There are some people, however, who are one-sided.  They expect you to sacrifice everything for them and give nothing in return.  They are the ones who proudly boast, “This is who I am; you can accept me or get out.”  They are unwilling to share in a balanced relationship; thus, if you desire a relationship at all you end up being the one to change in order to keep things harmonious or peaceful for them.  These relationships are hollow and empty.  They are but a shell of what once was and the dwindling hope of what could be.

If one person cares only about themselves, then how can a relationship exist?  They force the other person to change, to keep quiet, to live a shallow lie so that they can continue doing what they’re doing and pretending that it isn’t hurting anyone else.  It’s like a drug addict that refuses to get help and kicks from their life anyone who tries to intervene.  If everyone around the drug addict sits down and shuts up and merely watches them spiral deeper into the abyss, taking everyone close down too… is that love? 

Or is love standing up, even though it’s tough, and saying, “You’re hurting everyone with your selfishness.  Open your eyes.”

Sssshhh. Quiet.  We don’t want to upset the addict.  We don’t want them to become angry and distant.  We want peace.  Are they not already distant?   Is a hollow, empty lie worth the façade of peace?

Let me pose another question:  If, in order to be accepted, you must kick from your life everyone who is not exactly like you; are you really being accepted? 

I ponder these things… ~

A T.A.L.L. Order

I received an email from a man asking me how I came to believe sex was so important in marriage and asking me if I could convince his wife to share my belief.  The email made me laugh and also tugged at my heart. 

Marriage is hard work.  It’s not all lovey-dovey, cutsey-wootsey, snuggley-buggley warmth.  There are some very cold, distant caves hidden in wedded bliss; some caused by mistakes and some just by a lack of time, communication and priority.  It takes commitment on every level.  You have to give your body, your mind and your heart; not just one, but all.  For a marriage to thrive, both partners must be ALL in, ALL invested, ALL of the time.

Sex is one part of what makes up a good marriage.  It is one form of intimacy, and it should be noted that ALL forms of intimacy are necessary to keep the engine humming.

Years ago, my marriage was stagnant.  My husband and I weren’t connecting and I didn’t feel as close to him as I had previously.  We weren’t fighting a lot, but we had grown apart and there was a distance in our hearts.  He was traveling a lot and I was exhausted with my job and the kids… by the time we got any time together we were, quite frankly, too tired to connect, physically or emotionally.  Neither one of us was content or fulfilled. 

We decided to conduct a little experiment.  While talking over Margaritas and nachos we devised a jump-start plan of action.  Determined to re-connect with one another, we made a sexual commitment.  We vowed to make-love every day.  Every day for one month.  (He traveled so we weren’t able to hit the every day mark, but we did have sex every day that he was in town.)  We began this experiment in August and during that first month we had sex 24 of the 31 days.   

Our relationship was taken to a new level!  We were talking more, laughing more, enjoying our stolen moments and looking forward to our time together.   We liked it so much that we extended it to another month, and another month, and another month until we completed one full year. 

It was this experiment that taught me the value of the physical manifestation of love between partners.  See, sex isn’t just about the act or the climax…it’s about the bonding and the intimacy.  Sure, the orgasm is fun, but that’s short-lived.  The lasting emotional connection that comes from the sexual interaction is what matters most.

It is difficult, almost impossible, to make-love to someone and simultaneously stay angry at them.  If you don’t believe me, try it.  In your next argument with your partner, try getting naked and laying close while you’re fighting. 

Nakedness is not just physical, but it is symbolic of emotional openness.  Complete exposure and disclosure.  It’s about acceptance and excitement.  

Many couples don’t engage in sexual activity because they are ashamed of their own bodies, or they think they’re not good enough at it, or they get too tired and too lazy to make the commitment.  The butterflies in the stomach are dead and sex becomes just another chore on the to-do list.   After all, the touch is the same, the movement is the same, the panting is the same…. over time, it gets redundant, for both men and women.   Welcome to marriage.  Your job is to commit to spicing it up in and out of the bedroom.  Your commitment to each other is to make the marriage not only work, but thrive.  Attention to detail matters.  Knowing what your partner likes and dis-likes matters,  both in and out of the bedroom, and then applying that knowledge is crucial.

Get creative!  It all starts with communication.

Talk to each other about things you want to do, places you want to go, elements of your marriage you wish you could change.  Then, incorporate intimacy into that.  For example:  If you can’t afford a trip to Paris, bring Paris to your bedroom.   Buy some French Champagne, light candles all over, put up a poster of the Eifel Tower, and make French kissing the theme of the evening.  In between conversations, lean over and just start kissing…and don’t stop.

Buy a book on sexual positions and commit to one another that within the next six months, you’re going to try every position in the book.  Then, get ready to laugh and laugh hard because some of the things you’re going to see will look downright impossible.  But, it’s fun to try and it gives you and your partner a little private joke to share.  (“Honey, remember the time you broke your collar bone trying to ….”)   Seriously, though, be careful. 

Have a Touching night.  The rules are simple, you’re both blindfolded and you are forbidden to speak.   The object is to guide one another’s hands to wherever you want them to go.  This is a great way to tell your partner what you like without having to say it or face him/her.  I’m from the Show-Me State, and trust me, sometimes actions speak a lot louder than words.    (Safety tip:  Remember to remove your blindfold before you get up to use the bathroom!)

Buy some magazines or look up some websites/articles on some of the more outlandish sexual activities.  Explore submission and dominance.  Try handcuffs, straps, whipped cream, etc.  Find out together what appeals to you and to your partner.  If you don’t like something, you don’t have to do it again.  But the act of experimenting together heightens your trust in one another, acceptance of one another, ability to be open and honest about your feelings going forward and strengthens your bond as a couple.  The word “bondage” starts with “bond” for a reason.  J

Role play.  It seems silly and people drop their heads and blush when it’s mentioned but role playing is a natural, human trait.  When we are children we are not taught to pretend, we come by it naturally.  The human imagination is a powerful tool, so use it to strengthen your marriage.   Is he the sexy fireman that comes to rescue you with his hose?   Is she the flirty nurse who comes to give you a sponge bath?  Let your imagination run wild and then have fun with it.

These are just some quick ideas off the top of my head… I’m sure you can come up better ones.  The point is, do something, anything.  Marriages die because people stop trying.  Sex is not the answer, but while you’re naked, lying together, you just might come face-to-face with the solution.  Talk. Act. Listen. Love.  It’s a T.A.L.L. order, but the juice is worth the squeeze.  ~