Life is Funny and Funny has FUN in it!

OMG!  People!  Lighten Up!

Comedy exists to bring pleasure and release, not to force deep contemplation or discussion about humanity and the society therein which we dwell.  Can’t funny just be funny?  Why is everyone so damn serious all of the time?  I don’t want to go off on a rant here…but…

I posted a video excerpt on my Facebook page from the television show, 3^rd Rock from the Sun.  It’s a comedic look at voting.  After that post, I got emails asking me why I would struggle to vote this year and many telling me who was the “right” candidate for America.  Are you kidding me?  Can't you put your stupid, political opinion aside for ten seconds and just enjoy the humor of a sitcom?!

Then, I posted a clip from the game show, Family Feud, with Steve Harvey, who I think is quite amusing.  The question in the clip is:  Fill in the blank, as a married man I would _____ for sex.  The first guy hits his buzzer and blurts, “Pay!”  Steve Harvey’s expression is priceless, as it is when the other answers emerge.  Lie.  Beg.  Kill.  Die.   You can watch the clip here:  https://www.facebook.com/susan.claridge/posts/10209758709220354?pnref=story 

I posted that what I found most amusing was that two of the women answered with “cook” and “clean.”  These are obviously wrong answers for the show…but I teasingly remarked that if men would merely cook and clean more often they would never HAVE to pay, lie, beg, kill or die for sex.

Multiple emails filled my box with people who were offended by this post.   They wanted to know how I could condone a married man paying for sex.  Another person wanted to know why I thought it was okay for a man to lie in order to get laid.  One person asked why I thought it was acceptable for a woman to expect a man to have to cook and clean in order to get sex.  Unbelievable.  A fourth wanted to know why married people would want to hire prostitutes in the first place.

People… people…breathe.  I simply posted a clip I thought was amusing.  It’s spoofing the fact that sex is so important to a man that he will do just about anything to get it.  It’s supposed to be fun, lighthearted, funny.  There is no deeper, hidden meaning.  Steve Harvey isn’t saying that married men should pay, beg, lie, kill or die for sex.

Chill out already!  Don’t be so frigid in your thinking that you can no longer appreciate humor.  Comedians joke about sex all the time… because, well, the dichotomy of the male versus female sexual outlook can be funny.  And married women, maybe if you “put out” a little more, the jokes wouldn’t hit so close to home, and you wouldn’t get so upset about it.  And married men, maybe you would get more action in the bedroom if you took more action in the kitchen.  I’m jus’ sayin.’

I’m so tired of all of this ultra-diplomacy, where we can’t call a spade a spade because we fear that someone, somewhere might get their panties in a wad.  Well, wad those suckers up …or better yet, rip ‘em off and go commando.  Enjoy life.  Embrace comedy.  

If we lose our sense of humor, there is nothing left.  And dare I say it, but if you have lost your sense of humor maybe it signifies that you're not getting laid often enough!  

The reality is, none of us get out of this living thing alive and we’ve only got one shot…so enjoy it.  Love deep.  Laugh hard.  Be healthy.  Be kind to yourself and others.  Make a fool of yourself now and again. Be respectful and gracious and honest.  Have a drink on occasion.  Try new things.  Be courageous.  Be hospitable.  Pray.  Learn from your mistakes.  Forgive.  Apologize when it’s your fault.  Listen to all kinds of music.  Be kind to animals.  Dream big.  And get laid a lot.  (I didn't say pay for it or lie or beg or kill or die for it.)  The point is, the only things you'll look back and regret are those chances you didn't take...the stolen kiss you turned away from...the moment you let pass you by and the opportunity you let slip away because you feared what others might think about you. 

Don't be frigid in the way you think, live and love. Be true.  Let go of the labels and let yourself laugh at the humor in it all. 

Whatever you do…whoever you are…don’t take life so seriously that you miss out on the comedy that is all around you.  Life is funny and funny has the word FUN in it.  I don’t think that’s a coincidence.   ~

How Times Have Changed

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and it got me thinking. When I was single, Valentine’s Day was all about having a date for the evening, planning out what I would wear, painting my nails pink or red, anxiously awaiting his arrival, going out to dinner, the goodnight kiss, etc.  The whole day was spent dreaming of a romantically magical evening. 

Twenty years and two kids later… Valentine’s Day means something entirely different.  Now, it’s about making shoe boxes into the perfect Valentine receptacle, about purchasing Valentines for each child’s friends and classmates, and about buying teacher gifts and making treats for classroom parties.  By the time the day is done, I’m too tired to even think about a romantically magical evening… besides, finding a babysitter for Valentine’s Day is virtually impossible.  All the babysitters are young and single and busy preparing for their magical evenings.

By the time we get the kids to bed, my husband and I will look at each other and exhale.  We’ll both be beat.  We’ll open a bottle of red wine, exchange cards and snuggle on the couch to a re-run of Star Trek: The Next Generation.  Twenty years ago I would have said this was lame…but now, it feels blissfully wonderful.

 

And if we stay awake long enough... we enjoy a lot more than just a goodnight kiss.  :)

 

What Will Santa Bring YOU?

Looking for something suspenseful this Christmas... Want to add some mystery to your life?  What does Santa have in his bag for you?

 

 

 

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"S.R.Claridge novels are a non-stop ride of action and adventure."  BookWatchMagazine

 

 

"S.R.Claridge writes bona fide suspense thrillers." Apex Reviews

 

 



Mystery We Write Tour: Rionna Morgan

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Joining us today is Rionna Morgan. Growing up out West, Rionna Morgan followed her love of horses to the rodeo arena and her love of English to the classroom and to writing. She has been looking forward to sharing her stories with you her whole life. Rionna is a founding member of Montana Romance Writers; she reads as much as she can possibly hold, and she loves most of all combining the chilling edge of a knife with the sweet surrender of romance. Rionna shares her home in Missoula, Montana with her husband, her four children and the mountains outside her window.

Let’s get to know Rionna Morgan a bit better!

When you were a child, what did you want to "be" when you grew up?

Rionna: I wanted to be a writer. I scribbled continually in notebooks and made up the best stories ever. I often feel sorry for my mother, as she was the one who was continually stuck trying to decipher my tales.

Name three things on your bucket list.

Rionna: I want to go to Ireland. I want to be a grandmother. I want to visit the Library of Congress and pull my book from the shelf.

In what genre do you write? If you were to choose another genre, what would it be and why?

Rionna: Romantic Suspense. If I were to choose another genre, I would chose paranormal. I love it. It is such a fun, spooky genre!

If you were going to be stranded on an island all alone for a year, and you could only take three books with you...which three would you choose? Why?

Rionna: The collected works of Edgar Allan Poe and William Shakespeare. With those two gentlemen, I can be entertained for years! The other book would be a huge blank journal, because I need to write. …assuming that I get to take pencils. ☺ Thank you Rionna.  And for a bit about Rionna's just released novel:

Look for Love’s Justice anywhere online books are sold!

Buy on Amazon

Sarah Johnson is a profiler in Portland, Oregon. She thinks she has successfully moved beyond the pain of her mother’s death 15 years ago. Her mother, a Pulitzer Prize winning writer, died in an Alabama women’s prison while on an undercover assignment. However, when Justin Breslow shows up at her office claiming to be an investigative reporter from Dallas wanting to do a feature on her mother, Sarah realizes the pain has just been dormant. She agrees to work with Justin; she’s always wanted to retrace her mother’s final days, but she has no intention of sharing family secrets with a perfect stranger. Sarah and Justin unravel a plot more complex and sinister than they expected. They pursue a trail of  deceit and corruption to a women’s prison in Alabama, a centuries old hotel in Georgia and a family ranch in Texas. Nothing is simple or as it seems. Along the way, Sarah tries not to fall for Justin’s Southern charm, and Justin fights to resist Sarah’s beauty and sharp intellect. This unlikely duo will find more than they ever hoped to—in the prison, in their own backyards, and in each other’s arms. Whether they survive to enjoy their discoveries is the final mystery. Excerpt from Love's Justice “What if I didn’t go as a snoopy reporter?” Justin closed the small space, successfully trapping Sarah between the refrigerator and the counter. “And just went as a man?” With a smooth shift of his body, he slid into an amazing fit against her. Sarah drew in a quick breath. The air-cooled kitchen suddenly became a furnace. His hands gripped the counter on either side of her. His face was so close she could see her reflection in his eyes. “That is exactly what I don’t need.” “Don’t need, but maybe want?” Justin moved closer. Their lips were just a breath apart. “Don’t,” Sarah breathed. Her heart rapped hard in her chest. Justin smiled, enjoying watching her eyes cloud to darkness. This was going to be easy. “Don’t what.” His lips brushed hers. “Tell me. Don’t what?” Sarah fisted her hands in his shirt. To pull him closer or push him away, she wasn’t exactly sure. Panic and need and she didn’t know what all, tumbled around in her stomach. Instead of taking the time to decipher what to do, she just acted and tugged him to her. He caught her bottom lip, soft and warm, between his teeth. He felt her body give against his. He savored the taste of her, the warmth. “I’m going with you,” he whispered against her lips. She nodded her head, but his words never registered. My plan is working perfectly, he thought as he pulled her deeper into the kiss. Below are ways to catch up with Rionna. Drop on by…she loves the company!

Please be invited to visit my blog to Enter to Win a Piece of Montana! Website Twitter Facebook Goodreads What is on your bucket list??

Top 9mm Moments

Mafia boss, Angel Maratinzano, has a new best friend… a 9mm; and she doesn’t leave home without it.  People may betray her trust, but her 9mm always comes to her defense.  Stuffed neatly in the waistband of her jeans and resting on her tailbone, her gun literally “has her back.”

Her gun is like a trusted friend…you may not always need them but it’s always nice to know they’re there….just in case.

Let’s take a look at Angel's Top 9mm Moments:

1.       She pulls the gun on Andrew, unsure of whether she can trust him.

2.      Grayson takes the gun from her hand and, later, Tasers her.

3.      She pulls the gun on Andrew again, lowering it only after he pulls her into a deep, and passionate kiss.

4.      In a hospital shoot-out, Angel freezes while another woman uses her 9mm to kill their attacker.

5.      Angel finally learns she can pull the trigger in a train station, while saving her mother.

6.      In a shoot-out with the Russians, Angel’s gun is taken but she makes do with a handheld Uzi, which she steals from a Russian mobster who had just been shot.

7.      Thrown from a plane in Death Trap, Angel’s 9mm survives the fall with her.

8.     Blown off of a pier, her gun is retrieved from the bottom of the lake.

9.      With her finger on the trigger and her gun in Anya’s face, Angel must decide whether to let sense or rage be her guide.

If you haven’t met Angel Maratinzano, her aunt Olga, Giovanni, Salvatore, her mother Sophia and love interests, Tony and Andrew…what are you waiting for????

 

The Just Call Me Angel series has been called a "non-stop ride of action and adventure" by BookWatch Magazine and a "bona fide suspense thriller" by APEXreviews.

 

In the words of the Godfather, "I'm going to ask you to do me a little favor".... read these books...that's an offer you shouldn't refuse.  :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"You Will Not Budge Me"

When a person says, “You’ll never budge me,” what they are really saying is that your opinion, what matters to you, and how you feel are of unimportance to them.  Can there be anything more painful than knowing your heart doesn’t matter?

I look back at many of the situations in my life, when I made poor choices and hurt people with wreck-less behavior or selfish actions.  If I could go back in time I’d certainly do things differently.  Despite my many flaws, and there are many, I can honestly say I have never ignored someone who came to me out of concern for my well-being.  I never arrogantly said, “You will not budge me.”  I never egotistically turned a blind-eye and uttered, “We’ll just agree to disagree.”  I think that’s because, deep down in my heart, I always respected the people who cared about me.  Even if I was angry at them, I still held a certain respect for the fact that they loved me and that they wanted only the best for me.  In my most rebellious moments, their words were not ignored; but sank deep into my heart and tenderized the places I had become hardened.

Years ago, when I moved to Los Angeles and became involved in a New Age cult-type movement, my mother and my husband confronted me with their concerns.  In fact, it was the fact that they took the time to study the movement and continued to talk with me about it, that eventually led to me opening my eyes and realizing how dangerously false it was.  Even when I thought I was right and they were wrong, I listened and I never said, “You will not budge me.”  Deep down, I knew their words came from love and I respected them enough to know that they wouldn’t come to me with lies; but only with the truth.

In looking back, I realize that God strategically placed people in my life to help steer me away from danger.  Had I arrogantly blown them off, I shudder to think where I would be today…or if I would even be alive today.  Egotism often blocks our ability to see the truth, even when it lies right in front of us.

 

In the Just Call Me Angel series, Angel often struggles with a desire to rebel against the rules of the Mafia world. But she realizes that the people around her, her family, want the best for her and help provide balance in what can often be a violent, dangerous place. She learns quickly that arrogance can get a person killed and she must trust those who love her with her life; knowing they care enough to protect her. Even when Giovanni’s words are not what she wants to hear, she respects the fact that he will not mis-lead her; and despite their many disagreements, she never says, “You will not budge me.” Deep down she knows that her God-given family will never let her down.

 

Most of us don't live in the Mafia world, but I think it is important to realize the danger of arrogance in the real world.  I think it is crucial to understand that the human ego can be used as a weapon and can hurt the people that love you.  It might not get you killed like in the Just Call Me Angel series, but arrogance can certainly kill relationships.

 

Proudly uttering the words, "You will not budge me," might come back to haunt you, because one day, you might want to budge and you will have pushed everyone who truly loves you, out of your life. ~

 

 

 

For more information on the Just Call Me Angel series, please visit www.AuthorSRClaridge.com

 

 

Nail Gnawing Submissions

Whenever I submit a new manuscript to my Publisher, it is with both trepidation and excitement.  My hand hovers over the SEND button for several minutes, as I read and re-read what I have written; and then ask myself the same nagging questions over and over.  Is the manuscript ready to send?  Did I edit it enough?  Did I format it correctly?  Did I tie in all of the loose ends?  Did I define the characters well enough?  Is the story clean of redundancy?  Is it the best work I could give? 

At this point, I usually save my email as a draft and go back through the manuscript one more time.  Then, I retrieve the email and, once again, hover over the SEND button; conflicted by my own emotions.  I'm excited that it's done and scared that it will not be accepted.

I recently submitted my seventh manuscript (six full-length novels and one short story), wherein I went through the aforementioned process.  Once the SEND button was depressed, the agonizing nail gnawing began.

Thankfully, she didn't make me suffer long.  Yesterday, I received an email that my manuscript has been accepted.  In fact, she not only accepted it, she loved it.  This brought a huge sigh of relief and a smile that hasn't left my face.  

Now... it's time to grow my nails back and begin working on the sequel.  :)


 

Be Real

I have a pet peeve, actually I have many, but I’m only going to talk about one today.  It is sugary sweet, dripping with honey, fake people.  You know the ones…. their smile is plastered on, and every other word is “wonderful” or “wonderfully” as they go out of their way to tell you about how perfect every element of their life is.  They unnerve me.  It takes all of my strength to restrain myself from slapping them.  Don’t get me wrong, I like happy people and I like positive people.  I am certainly grateful for those moments in my life when I have been down in the dumps and a friend has pointed out the silver lining to my crisis.  I like smiling and love laughing and there is no better feeling of elation than sharing the excitement of life with others.  BUT… there is a big difference between genuine happiness and the overly sugary façade of fake fulfillment.  When people are over-the-top it makes me think they are merely using words to compensate for the unhappiness and un-fulfillment from which they are suffering.  It’s the same principal as the ever-popular joke about the man with the small penis who drives the fancy sports car. 

Overly compensating for something is often obvious to outsiders.  I wish these people would realize that happiness shines from the inside out and can be seen and felt without a word.  I wish they could see that fulfillment illumes the face and can be transmitted without an utterance.  Most of all, I wish these people would learn that it’s okay not to be the perfect, perky Pollyanna all the time.  It’s okay to have down days, sour hours and moments when you feel like you’re barely hanging on.  It’s okay to fail, fall down and make a few faux pas.  It’s life and it’s real and you can be too.  ~

Summertime Mommy Monster Syndrome

Being a writer and a mom isn’t always easy, but it’s particularly hard in the summer, when school is out.  During the summer, moms wear their normal hats of parent, teacher, counselor, playmate, entertainer, nurse, prayer warrior, taxi driver, cheerleader, chef, maid, butler and nanny… the only difference is that we wear these hats 24/7.  When school is out, mom gets no break.  Between baseball practices and games, swimming, rehearsals, plays, sleepovers, movies, vacations, etc., there is little time to think, much less to write.  Any creative person will tell you that if unable to express their creativity it begins to back up inside of them, and like a clogged hose, will eventually result in an explosion of epic proportion.  When I have a story that is dying to get out and I don’t have the time to write it, I begin to feel frustrated.  If the frustration lasts several days it morphs into resentment toward everything and everyone inhibiting my ability to sit down in peace and write.  In me, resentment manifests itself as crabbiness and a severe lack of patience.  If this continues, my family begins to suffer because Mommy has now become a miserable monster…if you don’t believe me, just ask my husband and children.   

The good news is that I have found ways to avoid the Summertime Mommy Monster Syndrome.  It isn’t fool-proof, but these things have helped  me to continue to write even when the kids are home, despite their many activities and the constant interruptions. (i.e. “Mom, look!” … “Mom, come here!”…. “Mom, where’s my glove?”…. “Mom, look!”…. “Mom, watch this!”…. “Mom!  MOm!  MOM!”… Oh, and did I mention, “Mom, look!”)

1.      I write late at night after the kids are in bed.  Yes, it means I spend the next day tired, but that’s nothing an extra pot of coffee or a couple Five Hour Energy drinks can’t solve.

2.      I write very early in the morning before the kids awaken.  Again, it can leave me groggy, but it’s well worth the sacrifice of slumber.

3.      I take my laptop to practices and rehearsals and write in the bleachers, in the theatre or in my car.  (purchase one of those plug adapters so you can plug your computer into your cigarette lighter)

4.      When the kids are watching television or being loud, I plug my headphones into my computer so I cannot hear them; thus I am able to concentrate on what I am writing.

5.      When I do suffer from Summertime Mommy Monster Syndrome, I have a martini or a margarita and a good cry.  It releases the frustration I feel, renews my spirit and helps me regain my focus and provides motivation for me to tackle another day.

Summertime is a needed break for kids and they deserve our fullest attention; however, in giving them our fullest we mustn’t forget to take care of ourselves too.  After all, when we’re not at our best we can’t give them our best.  As demanding as being a mom is, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.  J

Balancing Life

Balancing a family and a writing career isn't easy.  In fact, just being a mom and a wife has its challenges.  I've reached the stage in life where I spend more hours in my car than I do in my home (not counting sleeping time, of course).  Between my son's football, basketball and baseball schedules and my daughters rehearsals, piano/vocal lessons and run club, I have officially added a new repertoire to my resume, and it's called "chauffer."  Were it not for the invention of the laptop, my writing career would be null and void. Before I owned a laptop, countless chapters had been etched onto napkins in my car, or scribbled onto old receipts dug from the bottom of my purse.  Now, my laptop goes where I go and at practices and rehearsals and lessons I can usually be found sitting in my car with my computer propped atop my lap, rapidly typing away.  It's what I do and what I love to do.  ~

An Offer You Can't Refuse

Order your books today:   www.AuthorSRClaridge.com

Press Release

PRESS RELEASE - VEGAS

Can You Handle the TRUTH?

April 2011 - Book one in a new mystery series by suspense novelist,

S.R.Claridge, takes readers on a riveting ride.

Mystery, Mafia and sexy Italian Men lay the groundwork for this tenacious tale of Crime Family mayhem set in present day Chicago.  TETTERBAUM’S TRUTH by author S.R.Claridge portrays a unique look at the Mafia from a fresh and feisty female perspective.  

When heroine, Angel Martin, learns her entire life has been one carefully orchestrated lie, she sets out to find answers.  Her quest begins at a Chicago Mafia hot-spot called Tetterbaum’s Pub, where she discovers that the late Mr. Tetterbaum held secrets worth killing for.  With her true identity now exposed, Angel must uncover the evidence Tetterbaum hid before the Crime families shut her down.  The closer she gets to the proof, the more she wonders if anyone can handle Tetterbaum’s Truth.

As the first installment in the Just Call Me Angel series contracted by Vanilla Heart Publishing and Author S.R.Claridge, TETTERBAUM’S TRUTH is an edge-of-your-seat mystery thrill-ride, where the characters are believable, motives are unpredictable, and the outcome will leave you wanting more. 

S.R.Claridge will begin her western book tour in VEGAS on May 5^th and 6^th to promote TETTERBAUM’S TRUTH, which is now available in Ebook and Paperback at Amazon, Barnes&Noble, and Smashwords.

More information on books by S.R.Claridge can be found at www.authorsrclaridge.com or by contacting Vanilla Heart Publishing. www.vanillaheartbooksandauthors.com  The author is available for comment at (303)926-8877 or (913)488-4557 or authorsrclaridge@gmail.com

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Podcast - Author S.R.Claridge - The Author Show

Podcast - Author S.R.Claridge

Columbia Missourian Article

Thriving romance novel industry pulls in MU alumna and writer

Friday, February 18, 2011 | 5:51 p.m. CST; updated 10:18 p.m. CST, Friday, February 18, 2011

S.R. Claridge poses for a picture Friday at Broadway Brewery where she was promoting her novels "No Easy Way" and "Tetterbaum's Truth." Claridge is a MU grad and currently lives in Broomfield, Colo.   ¦  Melissa Klauda

BY Rachel Krause

COLUMBIA — The first thing Susan Claridge ever wrote was a poem after the death of her grandmother. The process of writing provided a way for her to vent her emotions.  
"Since then I've always written, it's been my outlet," Claridge said. "I just never tried to get published or thought of myself as a writer."
Claridge, who graduated from MU in 1992 with a degree in psychology, now writes romance murder-suspense novels under the name S.R. Claridge. She was visiting Kansas City, Columbia and St. Louis this week to sign copies of her first novel, "No Easy Way," published by Vanilla Heart Publishing.
Claridge, who sprinkles MU references into her writing, spent some time over the noon hour at Broadway Brewery on Friday. She signed her way through a couple of stacks of books, selling 20 to 25 books. It was more a chance to have lunch with her husband, mother-in-law and friends.
Claridge is a new player in the booming romance genre that has many American readers smitten. The genre made up the largest share of the consumer market and generated $1.36 billion in 2009, according to Romance Writers of America. Claridge said part of the reason behind the romance genre's popularity is because there is a part of everyone that longs for romance.
"I think relationships in general, that's the main focus of everyone's life," Claridge said. "We're all seeking love, romance and attention. Particularly with our target audience, the married women in their 30s, 40s and 50s, a lot of that romance may have fizzled a bit. There's a deeper foundation of love, but that outward display of romance isn't as prevalent."
Claridge said "No Easy Way" started out as a nonfiction book on marriage before she had the idea to make it more interesting by drawing the same themes into a murder mystery.
"What sets it apart from other murder mysteries is it has an underlying message which most mysteries don't," Claridge said. "This is kind of an oddball book that has a message of faith and forgiveness woven through it."
Her mother-in-law, Beth Claridge-Gillespie of Kansas City, read manuscripts along the way, making edits and suggestions. Although Claridge-Gillespie does not consider herself a romance novel fan, she likes her daughter-in-law's first book and said the genre provides a way for people "to be taken away from the humdrum of their lives and to be whisked off into somebody else’s world."
"I think most romance novels have a happy ending," Claridge-Gillespie said. "That's the ultimate: We all want a happy ending in our life."
Two of Claridge's editors are men, which she said gives her a good male perspective. Her husband, Cash Claridge, said despite the romantic theme, men shouldn't be turned off, especially with her second novel, "Tetterbaum's Truth," which centers around the Chicago mafia.
"I've had many guys tell me how good it was," Cash Claridge said. "The mafia always gets guys."
Claridge, who now lives in Colorado, has included MU and Columbia in her two novels. In "No Easy Way," the main characters, Tom and Kate, are both MU graduates and have an encounter at Murray's Restaurant, where Claridge and her husband got engaged. In "Tetterbaum's Truth," out on e-book and set to be released in March, the main character is an MU journalism student and there is a reference to Shakespeare's.
“It's something I have an affinity to and can relate to," Claridge said. "It just gives one more layer of depth to the story for me."