An "Action of Love" ...Not Really

I often wonder what travels through the minds of people.  I'm sure others wonder this about me as well.  It's human nature to be curious and to seek understanding.  I also wonder how it is that some people can so easily judge under the guise of "love."  How they can put so much time and effort into something that, when that time and effort is stripped away, is nothing more than a foundation of judgment, hidden in what is supposed to be seen as an action of love.  How is it that they believe it is their job or their right to take this action...even if it came from a place of love...Judgment rolled in love is still judgment.  Condemnation rolled in love is still condemning.

As I sip my coffee this morning and pray for a softer heart and understanding... the twinge in my gut and the nausea in my stomach is a sad confirmation of my initial reaction to this "act of love."  I pray for a way to define what I'm feeling so that I can dissect it, cut through the emotion and think rationally.  The word that keeps penetrating my thoughts is arrogance.

This "action of love" was dripping with arrogance and it sent a red flag soaring in my spirit.  Asking myself if I would ever do the same, the answer is a resounding no.  I wouldn't...but not because the thought behind it wasn't special...but because the river of arrogance carrying that thought is something to which I cannot relate.  I would never deem myself worthy enough to take this action.  I would never assume that I knew better than everyone else and that it was my duty to pass my knowledge, my perspective, my beliefs, my interpretations, and my outlooks onto them.  I would never assume that I knew more than anyone else.

How can an act of love send such a crushing blow?

Often times when judgment is dolled out under the pretense of love, we try to use that affection to justify the judgment; but it cannot.  There is no justification.  There is no blanket of love large enough to mask or hide the true spirit behind the action.

I don't sit here in anger this morning... I sit here in sadness.  Once more, arrogance has reared it's ugly head and taken out the feet of those it encountered.  Out of love, you say?

No.  Love waits and speaks when asked.  Love doesn't force or assume a position that is not theirs to assume.  Love doesn't push. Love doesn't drive a wedge.  "Love is patient and kind.  It does not envy or boast and it is not proud."

Thought, time and effort can be beautiful actions of love but only when they are not dipped in utter arrogance, laced with condemnation and a raw, hurtful action of judgment.

#crushed

 

"The World is a Mess"

The other night my nine year old son came into my room, plunked down in my office chair and let out a big sigh. 

“What’s the matter?”  I asked, glancing up from my laptop.

“It seems like the world is a mess,” he said.

I closed my laptop and studied him.  “What do you mean, ‘the world is a mess’?”

His eyes grew teary.  “Everyone’s killing each other and people are killing themselves.” 

He crawled into my lap and I wrapped my whole body around him.  My heart ached.  I wanted to be able to tell him that the world is beautiful and that people aren’t doing bad things and that we are safe…but I couldn’t.  Somehow the ugliness from out there had seeped into our four walls and penetrated his little heart. 

With tears streaming down my face, we had a conversation for which no parent can adequately prepare. We talked about violence, school shootings, drunk driving and suicide.  These are heavy topics for an adult and inconceivable for a nine year old to bear.  And, yet, it is the reality of the world in which we live.

I learned from our talk that he was afraid to go to school…afraid a shooter would come in and kill everyone in his classroom.  In the same week he had seen headlines on the internet about a baseball star getting a DUI and a country singer committing suicide.  That’s a lot of bad news and he wasn’t sure how to process it.  “The world is a mess,” was how it all boiled down…a statement that is sadly not far from the truth.

We have parental guards on our computers and iPads, but information seeps in through their iPhones and their friends.  It’s impossible to protect your children from the great wide virtual world of information.  As parents, we try to focus on the good so that our children will see that there is beauty in the world; but, oh, how the headlines make this a challenge.

How do we teach our children that violence is not the answer when our own police officers are on video beating a civilian to a pulp?  How do we teach them to feel secure when children are murdered in their own schools?  How do we teach them to forgive when ex-policeman are gunning down previous co-workers and their families?  How do we tell them to be carefree and enjoy their childhood when children are kidnapped, molested and murdered within a few miles from their home?  How do we teach them to look up to role models when those role models drink and drive and use drugs?  How do we teach them that suicide is not an answer when celebrities are overdosing and shooting themselves? 

“The world is a mess.”

The other night I realized I can’t refute that statement.  The world IS a mess.  All I could do and all I did was tell him the one truth that I knew… God is bigger than any mess. With Him in our hearts we never have to face anything alone; and His love conquers all. 

I wrapped my arms tighter around my son and whispered, “I love you with all of my heart and you will never have to face anything in this life alone.”

“How do we clean up the mess?”  He asked.

I kissed the top of his head.  “I don’t know, baby. I think we start by asking God for help.”

And together, we prayed.  “God, please clean up the mess so the children in this world don’t have to be so afraid.”  

I put him to bed and wept.  ~

Destroyed Dream

Have you ever had the rug pulled out from under you?  It feels like someone kicked you in the chest and all you can do is try to breathe.  Just breathe.  After you manage to drink in that first breath, a numbing sensation rushes through your body…. I think it’s preparing you for the heartache you’re about to feel.  Your mind rushes with “whys” and then more “whys” as you try to analyze what happened to bring you to this point.  How could someone do this?  Why would someone do this?

Your analysis points you to a truth you don’t want to face; but it’s the only reasonable explanation.  They don’t care.  And maybe it isn’t even that they don’t care, but that they don’t care enough.  They care more about someone else’s heart than yours.  They must… because to have hijacked your life and plans not once, but knowingly and willfully a second time…well…it doesn’t get more painful.

 

Have you ever wanted to freeze time, to stop the world as if it were a giant Ferris Wheel and get off of the ride for a while?  Not permanently… but just for a bit. 

Have you ever had someone sabotage your relationships with lies and then, when you call them on it, turn around and blame you for stirring up trouble?

 

 

Have you ever felt that you stood completely alone?  That even those close to you wouldn’t open their mouths and say, this is wrong.  Instead, for the sake of peace, they threw your heart under the bus. 

The first time was deemed a terrible misunderstanding and everyone said, “NOW, we know how you feel and it won’t happen again.”  A few days later…again.   No one even bothered to think deeper about the ramifications of this decision.  No one even bothered to mention it to you.  They simply ripped the dream from your fingers, as if it were theirs to have...but it belonged to you.

Have you ever heard empty promises about how their way won't affect what you had planned...that everything will be fine...but every word they speak only proves what your heart has felt...it only proves that they don't understand.  They think you're angry, but you're not; you're broken.

Have you ever been so broken and hurt that you can’t stop the tears from filling up your eyeballs and flooding your face?  No matter how hard you try…they just keep coming.  And the only thing left to do is vow to yourself that you will never let this happen again.

Yeah…me too. ~