Social Networking Feels Like Stalking

One of my authors said to me, “I feel like I’m stalking people when I’m doing a social media marketing campaign.”   

“Yes!” I responded.  “That means you’re doing it right.”

Social networking is not stalking, though I understand how it can feel that way, (especially if you’re doing it right) because in implementing your target marketing approach, you often find yourself visiting and re-visiting the same pages.

Most people don’t understand how social networking really works and why it is so important in

building a fan base.  This is because we, as humans, are ME focused and we forget that to engage someone we must stop and think about what is important or relevant to them.  Thus, in networking we must target our efforts, partnering with those accounts that are similar in content to our own.

The benefit of social networking is that you increase the visibility of your product and yourself. 

What does it take to be a good social networker?  The willingness to put yourself out there (knowing a certain level of vulnerability comes with it), a lot of time and a commitment toward action.

 

VULNERABILITY

The simple fact is that you cannot have privacy AND be in the public eye. 

When you place yourself in the public eye, you must expect that a certain percentage of “weirdos” will emerge and be drawn to you.  This comes with the territory and if you can’t handle it, then don’t go public. 

My Facebook page is public because I am an author and the amount of books I sell is directly related to the amount of contact I make with the virtual universe.  I also run a publishing company and use social media to assist in marketing my author’s new releases. Thus, I “friend” just about anyone who requests my friendship, viewing every individual as a potential new contact, new reader and new fan.  I believe paths cross for a reason, even in the virtual world, and I can honestly tell you that I have made some very good friends over social media.  The risk is high at times and I have had moments where I have felt threatened, but those instances are few and far between.  The truth is that I have had way more positive experiences in social media than negative ones.

If I “friend” someone who then behaves inappropriately, i.e. posting porn or solicitations on my wall, commenting rude or explicit things, sending me nude pictures, etc., I simply block them and move on.   In putting myself out there publicly I am assuming responsibility for the fact that I may encounter some strange individuals and thereby accepting the culpability that it is my job to block them when needed.

It is no one else’s fault when a “weirdo” emerges. 

GROWTH TAKES TIME

Social networking takes time and effort because in order to grow your visibility, you have to help grow the visibility of others.  For me, those others exist primarily in the entertainment/literary realm.  

This is how it works:

 

Every time I go to an author, actor or artist’s page and “like” something, it shows up in the news feed of all of my “friends.”  This promotes that person’s page.  In addition, my name shows up in their post when I “like” it or comment on it, giving me visibility.  The hope is that those people will reciprocate the action by “liking” or commenting on one of my posts, thereby rendering that post visible to their “friends” in their news feed.  In essence, by “liking” and commenting on each other’s posts, we are connecting our “friend” base and over time, expanding it.

When people continue to see the same name popping up in their news feed, they are more likely to become curious and click on it.  In order to make the same name appear over and over, you must visit the same pages over and over and continue your efforts of "liking" and commenting.  It is a process and involves hundreds of clicks on your targeted sites every week.  

So, if you’ve ever felt like you were wasting time traversing your news feed and “liking” posts, you’re not…you’re actually helping grow your own visibility and the visibility of the people, places and projects you like.

TARGET YOUR NETWORKING EFFORTS

Liking everyone’s posts would be impossible, so it is important to target your social networking to the people and projects that are related to you and your work. 

For example, my daughter is an actress.  Therefore, when she is filming a particular project, I will target my networking efforts to that project and the people involved therein.  Anything that they post that is related to that particular project, I “like” or comment on.  Sometimes I will even “share” it to my own wall.  Or, if I really want to drive viewers to it, I will download the pictures or information they have posted and then post it on my wall as if it is a new post from me.  This feeds directly to my “friends” list as a post by me, not just a post I have “shared.”  Posts by you will statistically generate more interaction from those on your “friends” list than posts you have “shared.”

Commenting, liking and re-posting literally builds a network between you and the people you support.  In growing their visibility, you are expanding  your own.   But it doesn't happen overnight and it doesn't happen without the commitment to visit those targeted pages over and over and over again.

Doesn’t it behoove me to network with people who have more “friends” than me?  Absolutely.  Those with the most followers, fans, friends, etc. have the farthest reach in the virtual world.  If they “like” or comment on your posts, it can only help you; and you should definitely be “liking” and commenting on their posts. 

There is no marketing effort that is in vain.  Every time your name appears you are getting it out there.  The goal of social networking is to get people talking about you, your project, your product, your vision.  Thus, every action you take in this direction…every “like”…every comment…every “friend”… is a step in the right direction. 

 Remember, giant leaps begin with small steps.

Although constantly visiting the same pages over and over can feel a bit like stalking, it is important to realize that the difference lies in your reason for being there.  If you are visiting for promotional purposes and the opportunity to grow your base, you’re marketing.  If you are visiting for personal purposes to see what they did over the weekend, then you might be guilty of stalking. 

One author asked, “What if someone gets mad at me or thinks I’m strange for constantly commenting on or liking their posts?”

That’s their problem, not yours.  As long as your comments are polite and professional, there is nothing wrong with commenting or “liking.” 

There are some people who do not understand how social networking works and who will be prone to think that you are visiting their page with ulterior motives.  These people put themselves out there publicly and then pretend that they are victimized or harassed when their pages are frequently visited. They are narcissists who believe everyone wants them and everyone is stalking them.  Honestly, these people should not be in the public eye because they cannot handle it.    So, don’t worry about them.  If someone gets offended by the fact that you “like,” comment or re-post their posts, mark them off your list and move on.  Those who understand the value of social networking will not be offended by your actions.

Social networking is just that…networking.  It is building a network of people with common interests.  So, determine your target market and begin reaching out to those people today.   ~

Why Size DOES Matter

After taking my kids to school, I usually saunter back into the house, re-fill my cup of black coffee so it’s piping hot and sit down at my computer.  First, I check my personal email, then my author email and then I open Facebook.  I had just taken a sip of hot coffee when I opened my FB email and saw this picture with a notation that read, "My dick is hard."

I added the black rectangle over his face just so he might have a tiny hope of deniability.  I won’t tell you the fellow’s name, but I am certain that since he sent his naked, full frontal picture to me, a complete stranger, that he is quite comfortable with it being posted online. 

After regaining my composure from almost spewing coffee all over my computer screen, I sent the picture to my husband with a comedic notation.  Then, I stared at the picture for a moment and let the thoughts drift in and out of my mind.

Who DOES this?  That was my first thought.  I’m not judging, as I, in no way, have a conservative, innocent or even remotely demure history…and yet, I can honestly say that I have never photographed my genitalia and emailed it to anyone.  Interesting.

Why do this?  Certainly there is a reason…right?  I mean, when one sends a picture of one’s genitals to another person they are hoping for a response. 

Why choose me?  This is where the real analysis begins.  See, on my FB profile it clearly states that I am a married woman.  There’s a link to my husband’s FB page and a quick jaunt through any of my photos testifies to the fact that our marriage is currently intact, stable and happy.  So I have to ask myself, if you’re going to send a picture of your privates to a woman, wouldn’t you choose one that is single with a greater propensity to give you the response which you are seeking?  I clearly am not the wisest demographic choice.  Then again, my ego is not so inflated as to believe I was the only woman to be graced with the presence of his penis first thing this morning.  One must assume that this picture was sent to every female “friend” on his Facebook account, thereby rendering a verdict of desperation.  How desperate does someone have to be in order to take a picture of their genitals and email it to strangers?  Now I just feel sad for the guy.

What response did he want?  Here’s the big question.  There are limited options as to how this thing can play out.  I mean, he has to know this…right?  He’s obviously intelligent enough to work his camera phone, so one can assume he must have had some forethought as to what might happen:   A) He gets ignored.  B) He gets reported for spam.  C) He gets blocked.  D) I actually respond, telling him that he has the best penis I’ve ever seen, that I am drawn to his utter manliness and that I must meet him in person so we can titillate between the sheets.   Just so we’re clear, I opted for (C).   Though, I do wonder if he ever thought he might end up as the center of attention in someone’s blog?  Maybe this is the response he was seeking after all?

How confident do you have to be?  This is the part I truly do not understand and to which I cannot relate.  The human body is considered a work of art and can be deemed sexy at times.  That being said, with regards to 99.99999% of the population, nudity alone is not sexy.  The circumstances in which a person becomes nude can be sexy, their personality can add to the sexiness, and good lighting doesn’t hurt; but to watch a great percentage of human beings walk around naked is not arousing.  If you don’t believe me, go visit a nudist colony.  Years ago I visited one in Malibu and I can honestly attest to the fact that most of the people there had no business being naked in public.  I also walked on a nude beach in Mexico, thinking surely the nudists who take beach vacations will look better naked than most of the human race, but this was not the case.  So, how confident do you have to be to strip down, take a picture of your penis and email it to strangers?  More confident than even the nudists, who parade around with their dinghies flapping in the wind and soaking up the sun?  Wow.  I envy that level of confidence.

Which brings me to my final thought:  Know your competition.   Our world is saturated with pornography and whether you think it right or wrong doesn’t matter; it exists nonetheless.  So, if you’re going to send out pictures of your body parts, you might want to first analyze the competition and make certain your parts are up to par.  Otherwise, it’s just embarrassing.  I, personally, don’t enjoy pornographic movies.  They’re incredibly redundant.   I do, however, appreciate photographs that are professionally done and tactful, i.e. the beautiful model on the beach with the wind blowing her long hair backwards and her hands delicately covering her breasts, or the shape of her ass silhouetted against the sunset.  I’m not anti-nudity.  I just think there is a time and a place and if you’re going to get naked, by God, make it look as good as you can.  Sitting in an office chair, displaying a penis that is no bigger than my thumb isn’t probably your best look.

While we’re on the subject, let’s face another harsh reality.  Men, size DOES matter…especially in photographs.   We’ve all heard the old adage:  “It’s not the size of the train, it’s the power of the engine.”  That’s all fine and dandy if you can make that small train do mighty things in the bedroom.  But, trust me, refrain from taking pictures of your tiny Thomas, because women want to see you soft at heart, not below the waist.  ~

    

To be Loved

I received the sweetest love note from a stranger on Facebook and I just have to share it:

“I saw something in your face, something that made my heart pause to read you, something that tickles in the heart, could it be love at first sight? Maybe we could find that out,lol.

I'm talking about faith here when feelings are so powerful it's as if some force beyond your control is guiding you to someone who can make you happy beyond your wildest dreams.”

I obviously wrote back and told him I was married, but I also thanked him for the lovely note, which came at a time when I desperately needed an emotional boost.  Sometimes it’s the words of a stranger that carry you through.  Sometimes the people closest to you are too close to see what you’re feeling and it takes someone standing far off to realize that your heart is in need of attention.

Sometimes we get so busy with our schedules and activities and deadlines and meetings that we stop noticing people.  We see bodies but not faces.  We hear words but cease to sense the heart behind the words.  Life becomes a blur of responsibilities and something inside just dies.  We stop noticing.  We become too busy to feel.  Overwrought with exhaustion, life literally passes by and we don’t even know all that has been sacrificed.

We all have needs.  Whether male or female, we all have an innate desire to feel wanted, pursued, craved, accepted, nurtured, and loved.  We all need to feel like we are a priority in someone’s life…like what we feel matters and matters enough that they’d stop the world if they could to heal your soul.  Isn’t that the magic we all seek?  

To be loved in a way that transcends logic… to be loved senselessly...to be loved entirely.  ~     

 

 

Lost in the "Other" File

I recently discovered that there is an “Other” tab on my Facebook message page.  It sits in the upper left hand corner right next to the bolded tab that reads:  Inbox.  Who knew, right?  Between my author account and my personal account, there were over two hundred emails in my “Other” file.  I started wading through them, one-by-one, deleting the announcements of events already gone by and the advertisements.  I get the feeling the “Other” tab is similar to a “Spam” folder on yahoo. 

After I had narrowed the list to fifty-seven emails, I began to read them.  Twenty-two of them said they “liked my smile”… that must be a common pick-up line in the Facebook world.  Seven of them wanted to know if I was single and explained how it would be beneficial for us to chat online.  Three said they wanted to have sex with me…which, I took as a compliment.  After all, it’s not every day that someone just blurts out, “I’d like to have sex with you.”   And two were from women who were hitting on me.  They obviously hadn't read my profile to see that I am a heterosexual female, but I was flattered nonetheless.  Always good to keep one's proverbial options open.  :)


The remaining twenty-three emails were very personal and I felt terrible that some of them had been sitting in this “Other” file for well over a year.  These people must have felt that they poured out their heart to a stranger who didn’t even care enough to acknowledge them.  I am so sorry for this oversight.

If any of you are reading this blog, please know that my tardy response was caused by ignorance and not an intentional disregard for your feelings. 

I want to share a small portion of one of the emails from my "Other" file because it touched me.

Dear Author S.R.Claridge, I’ve read House of Lies and I can’t stop thinking about you and the story you wrote.  I’ve come out of a cult group and am still haunted by everything I saw and experienced while there.  When I close my eyes to sleep at night, I still see the demons and hear their chanting.  I can hardly pray without unconsciously swaying back and forth and slipping into a dark place.  Sometimes the fear takes hold of me to the point that I can’t move in my bed and it feels like its pushing me down deeper into bed.  I can’t tell anyone because they’ll all say I told you so, or think I’m going crazy, but I know after reading your book that you understand.  I know you’ve seen it and that you know what’s happening.  I was at [cult group name deleted] for almost 14 months and I saw the deception you wrote about.  It’s real and I’m praying for you because I know you’ve been attacked by the demons too and I know they’re after you.

This letter sat in my “Other” file since November 2012.  I responded to it today and am hoping my response isn’t too late.  This woman was reaching for help, and I wasn’t there.  This woman was desperate to find someone who understood her, and I was absent.  Though I am a stranger to her, this woman needed me, and I wasn’t paying attention.  I’m praying for her and hoping she writes back to tell me that she has found freedom and is no longer tormented by her involvement with this cult group. 

 

If I have missed any other letters….if I have failed to respond to you…please write to me again.  My lack of response is not intentional.  If I have ignored you, it is because I have not seen your letter, so please re-send it.  I will never ignore a heartfelt outpouring nor a stranger’s plea for help.

I’m here.  I’m listening.  I understand and I care.  I promise I will write back. ~