Comedic Interlude

Instead of blogging today, I wanted to take a comedic interlude.  Enjoy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lessons Life Taught Me by Regina Brett

 

This is advice written by Regina Brett, 90 years young, who wrote a column for the Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio. She said, "To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written." 

Thank you Regina, for these wonderful words of wisdom.  :)

 

 

 

"1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

"2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

"3. Life is too short – enjoy it.

"4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Some of your friends and all of your family will.

"5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

"6. You don't have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.

"7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

"8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

"9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

"10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

"11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

"12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

"13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

"14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

"15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry, God never blinks.

"16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

"17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

"18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

"19. It's never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.

"20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

"21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

"22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

"23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

"24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

"25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

"26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

"27. Always choose life.

"28. Forgive but don’t forget.

"29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

"30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

"31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

"32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

"33. Believe in miracles.

"34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

"35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

"36. Growing old beats the alternative --- dying young.

"37. Your children get only one childhood.

"38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

"39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

"40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

"41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have not what you think you need.

"42. The best is yet to come.

"43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Boomerang of Shame

Here is an excerpt from a letter I received after I posted yesterday’s blog, entitled “Don’t Quit: Re-new It!”  

“You claim to be a Christian but you write books about murder and on your blog you’ve condoned spanking, which is a form of abuse, and abortion which is killing.  The fact that you refer to yourself as a follower of Christ is apprehensible.” 

There was a time when receiving an email of this nature would have reduced me to tears.  Thankfully, those days are gone.  I have reached a point in my life where I am confident in who I am and in my relationship with God.  He loves me…everyone else doesn’t have to.  So, it is with a comical grin that I respond to this email.  

First, let me point out that I believe the word she meant to use was "reprehensible" and not "apprehensible." 

In regards to my books, the Just Call Me Angel series is a suspense series centered on the Mafia.  It would be virtually impossible to write a story about the mob that didn’t involve killing.  These books are fiction and in no way voice a personal conviction that murder is acceptable.  They are simply written to entertain readers.

Likewise, my debut novel, No Easy Way, and my short story, Petals of Blood, are also murder mystery/suspense novels.  I don’t want to point out the obvious, but when writing a murder mystery one sort of has to include an actual murder into the plotline.

Just because I am a Christian does not mean I should write books that fall into the Christian genre.  It’s neither my desire nor my calling.

As for the picture of spanking that was included in yesterday’s blog, I placed it there because I was talking about the Fifty Shades series, wherein spanking is an integral part of the story; not because I was in any way condoning physical abuse.  That being said, I do believe there are those that include spanking in their bedroom activities and I do not condemn them for doing so.  To each their own.  Live and let live. 

On the topic of abortion, you may read my blog, “Out-Of-The-Closet Confessions” if you’d like to better understand my thoughts.  

This email is a prime example of judgmental, holier-than-thou people, with whom (Christian or not) I disassociate myself.  It is this exact type of condemnation that drove me away from the church for twelve years of my adult life.  It is this attitude that I find UN-Christ-like, and I don’t want people to think ALL Christians are similar to the elitist few among us.

All Christians are not radical bigots.  All Christians don’t cast judgment and point fingers. 

Reading murder mysteries or writing murder mysteries doesn’t make me less of a Christian.  The fact that there may be whips and chains in someone’s bedroom, doesn’t make their heart less committed to Christ.  BUT… the fact that you judge others based solely on what you think you see or how you think things should be, tells me YOU are the one that should refer to your Bible and look up the passages about not judging others. 

So, if you’re without blemish, cast that stone; but, first, let me give you a piece of advice.  If I were you I’d duck, because I think your stone is a boomerang of shame...and it's headed right back-atcha! ~

 

 

 

Don't Quit: Re-New It!

I received an email and I’d like to share a portion of it with you, though, for discretion purposes, I will keep the writer anonymous. 

 

Dear Susan,

My husband and I just celebrated our 15 year anniversary and I’m thinking about leaving him. He’s a good person but I’m just not attracted to him anymore.  I’m an avid reader, romance novels in particular, but I’ve read your Angel series and I want to feel the passion that’s on the pages of these books.  Not the Fifty Shades kind of stuff but real romantic flare stuff.  Angel being grabbed and kissed by Tony or the love scene where she prayed the Lord’s prayer with Andrew or the mattress scene in Grayson’s hideout.  I want to be ravished by a man and my husband just isn’t that type of guy.  When we have sex I find myself going through the motions instead of actually enjoying it or desiring it.  I see you’ve been married longer than me and I’ve read your blogs on sex. What do you think I should do?  Do you think my marriage is over?  

 

My heart pours out to this woman.  If you’re married or have been in a long term relationship, you can probably relate to what she is feeling.  Romance novels are the top selling genre for a reason…because we ALL need romance on some level and we seek it out in books, movies and in real life. Every human being, male and female alike, has an innate desire to feel wanted, needed and ultimately loved.  We were not created to do life alone, which is why I have always stressed the importance of intimacy in relationships.

First, let me say this:  It is not my place to make a judgment call on whether a couple should stay together or part ways.  However, if you have both invested fifteen years in each other and in your life together, and if you still love one another, then I would encourage you not to give up.  Relationships hit plateaus and often times they need to be jump started.   That’s normal.  We tend to get busy with the chores of living and forget to focus on some of the things that matter most…the people in our life.  Often times, all that is needed is a reminder of how important you are to each other.

Second, it is normal to go through phases where you don’t feel attracted to your partner.  Sheer exhaustion alone can squelch desire faster than anything.  Carving out time together can help. 

Third, sex in real life is rarely as romantic and wonderful as it is on the pages of a novel.  I, too, enjoyed Fifty Shades but, in reality, would not want to experience many of the things she tried in the book.  Fantasizing is fun and should be used to enhance reality, but not replace it.  Keep in mind that the human imagination takes fantasy to heights that reality can never achieve.  Even if your partner lights candles all around the room, puts on soft music, lines the bed with fresh rose petals, and has chilled champagne and chocolate dipped strawberries waiting for you, it will not feel the same as what you see in the movies or what you read in a novel.  It can be romantic, but it will never be “new.” 

In novels and in movies we see people engaging in romance from the perspective of a new relationship, and we thus crave that stomach-tingling, excitedly-nervous, first-kiss sort of feeling.  This is no longer the reality for a long-term relationship.  Over time comfort replaces the stomach-tingling nerves, and familiarity replaces anticipation; but that doesn’t mean romance has died.

Too often people run into the arms of another, simply to satisfy their craving for the feeling and excitement of newness; but what happens when that newness wears off?  Do you then run to another, and another, and another?  Instead of destroying the relationship you’ve already built, the answer may be as simple as you and your partner trying some new things to spice up your love life.  It may just be time to get those juices flowing by getting creative in your lovemaking.

Here are some suggestions:

Read an erotic or romance novel together and pick out the things you like…then do them to each other.  Role play.  If he likes pig tails and bobby socks, then do it.  If she likes a leather jacket and studded dog collar, do it.  Make a commitment to each other to be radical about turning the other person on.  

Try some new positions.  I’m not talking about rolling over one time.  I’m talking about getting a little crazy.  Do it on the dresser, the countertop, in the shower, bent over the back of the couch, over the top of the coffee table, in the office, in the bathroom at a restaurant, in the car, on top of the car, on the patio, etc.  Get creative, just try not to get arrested in the process.

Use toys.  Vibrators.  Handcuffs.  Blindfolds.  Whips.  Whatever inspires you…try it.  If you don’t like it, you don’t have to do it again.  But in your openness to attempt new things, you just might stumble upon something that both of you thoroughly enjoy.  AND…you’re creating your own little secrets.  You’re creating new memories; some that will be comical.  You’re inventing things that will later pop into your mind and you’ll look at each other from across the room and laugh.  No one will know why because it will be something only you two will share.  A connection.

Start having sex every day.  EVERY day.  Do this for one month and see how your relationship jolts back to life.  What you’ll find is that it’s hard to remain angry at or ignore someone with whom you are having sex.  It forces a level of intimacy that can often become stagnant or dried up in long term relationships.  Sex isn’t the end-all… but it’s a very fun way to rejuvenate the relationship.

So many couples stop talking about what they like in bed and then they slip into these routines of lovemaking that often leave both parties emotionally wanting.  See, sex isn’t just about physical gratification.  It’s about emotional intimacy. Intimacy is crucial in a relationship.  Sex is merely one part of the intimacy shared… but it is a very useful tool when you find yourself struggling to connect in other ways.  It has a way of opening up the communication conduit so that all levels of intimacy can flow more freely.

Sexual intimacy involves talking, touching, sharing, soothing and loving one another.  It’s a heart commitment that involves the actions of the body. 

In today’s world, we are so busy that we often forget to touch one another.  When too-busy-to-touch grows into too-exhausted-to-talk, our relationship begins to feel stagnant and our desire for one another dries up.  It doesn’t always mean we stopped loving… it simply means we need to shake off the dust and re-new the expression of that love.

Old relationships will never feel “new” again… but they can be actively “re-newed” and experience depths of intimacy a new relationship cannot. 

Don’t quit… Re-new it!

Out-Of-The-Closet Confessions

Since my post yesterday (entitled:  In the Words of the Eagles, Get Over It), I’ve received thirty-two emails.  Some of the emails shared personal stories and some just wanted to rail on me for my “open-mindedness” caused by my “pathetically weak Christian stance.”   But, all of the emails had one common thread and one woman stated it like this:  “How can you call yourself a Christian and have a pro-choice view?” 

This is sort of a coming-out-of-the-closet moment for me...so here it goes.

The question is really two separate questions, so I will answer them separately at first and then explain how they tie together.

Why do I call myself a Christian?

I call myself a Christian because I am a believer in Christ, having accepted Jesus as my personal Savior; and because I believe that everything good in my life is a blessing from God.  Without Him, I am nothing.

Why am I pro-choice?

I am pro-choice because I believe a woman has the right to choose what is done with her body.  I hate abortion.  I hate that it is necessary in our society.  There is no refuting that it is a terrible option.  That being said, I will not tell a woman who is raped that she must have the child.  I will not tell a young girl who has been molested that she has to birth the child.  I am pro-morality but until there are changes made in the moral fabric of our nation, I will remain pro-choice.  The alternative is worse.  If we overturn Roe vs. Wade without first increasing the overall morality in our world, we have simply set people up to fail and caused more destruction and more killing.  Teenagers, in particular, make mistakes.  Their hormones are raging for the first time in their lives.  They’re falling in love for the first time.  More times than not, they will succumb to passion and have sex.  That’s reality.  Should a sixteen year old girl be forced to have that baby?  Should she have to endure the social stigma attached to it? I’m not saying she should or should not.  I’m simply saying the choice should be hers.  If she is forced to have the baby, then …what other options lie before her?  Suicide?  A back alley abortion that could kill her or render her never able to conceive again?  Running away from home because of her family’s disapproval?  Killing or abandoning the baby once it is born?  

It is easy to sit from a high horse and cast judgment; but walk for a moment in the shoes of that sixteen year old girl and truly understand the fear, the heartache and the devastation of the circumstance.   You cannot mandate morality and you cannot fix immorality by forcing your will upon another person.  Each woman’s situation is unique in their life and only that woman can make the choice that she believes is best for her life at that moment. 

I wish abortion was unnecessary in our world; but while there are people making immoral decisions, while there are rapists and molesters among us, abortion must remain a viable option for women.

We should be striving not to make abortion illegal, but to make it unnecessary.

How can I call myself a Christian and take a pro-life stance when abortion is clearly an act of murder and God has said, “Thou shalt not kill?”

This is a good question.  A fair question.  My opinions, my views and even, at times, my actions don’t always support my spiritual beliefs.  I’m not perfect.  But beyond that, I refuse to live my life adherent to a belief system of “shoulds.”  For example, because I am a Christian I “should” take a pro-life stance.  Because I am a Christian, I “should” vote Republican.  Because I am a Christian, I “should” take a stance against homosexuality, I “should” never get drunk, I “should” actively try to save sinners and  I “should” not curse.  Because I am a Christian I “should” not have immoral thoughts and certainly not perform immoral acts.  The list goes on and on and on. 

The point is this:  I’m a Christian because of my love for Christ, not because I follow some sort of religious network of rules.  God knows my heart and He alone will change it in the areas in which it needs to be changed.  I live by relationship not by religion.  I live with love not judgment.

Simply stated:  Being a Christian gives me no right to judge others or condemn others or take a stance against their lifestyle or their choices.  I refuse to do that.  How people live, the choices they make and what they believe are between them and God.  My job is to love them and to help in any way I can… and that’s how I can call myself a Christian and still take a pro-life stance…without apology.

The religious fear and guilt movement of “shoulds” and “have to’s” in my life has ended.  I’m standing firm on my relationship with God; not on other people's opinion of me.  You can either judge me or love me.  The choice is yours.  ~

 

 

 

 

In The Words of the Eagles: GEt OvEr IT!

I love this sign.  It states the obvious… that we all need to take responsibility for our actions and stop blaming everyone else.  McDonald’s doesn’t make anyone fat; a person’s choice to eat it every day and never exercise does.  I think we all like to have a scapegoat, someone we can point a finger at and say, “It’s your fault.  If this didn’t exist, or if that wasn’t around, nothing bad would happen.”  If fast food restaurants didn’t exist, obesity wouldn’t be an issue for Americans.  If we had stricter gun control laws, people wouldn’t shoot other people.  If we overturn Roe vs. Wade, we’ll increase the morality in America. 

It sounds ludicrous because it IS ludicrous.

If you take away McDonalds, people will still suffer from obesity because until they make the personal choice to improve their eating habits and exercise, nothing will change.  It isn’t about a restaurant menu, it’s about what a person chooses to eat. 

“Remove ALL fast food chains and our nation will be healthier!”  

Okaaaaay… while you’re at it, you need to remove soda, chips, most pork products, most breads, syrup, all desserts, most cereals, etc., from every grocery store.   I won’t go into the economic ramifications of such a stupid idea; but let it be clear that you cannot mandate health.  People either choose to live a healthy lifestyle or they don’t.  It IS their rightful choice to make and whatever consequences come with that choice is no one’s fault but their own.

The same is true of gun control.  If we outlawed a person’s ability to own and carry a weapon, only the law abiding citizens would adhere to the new regulation; thus, there would still be crime because the criminals would continue to carry illegal guns.   Committing a crime is a personal choice, and one the law cannot confine.

“If guns weren’t so easy to come by, then less crimes would be committed.” 

Okaaaay…if we make it harder for law abiding citizens to get registered and licensed to carry a gun, how does that lower the crime rate?  The people who are jumping through the hoops to follow the law are NOT the ones killing other people.  Despite the laws, criminals will find a way to get a gun if they want it.  Crime is a personal choice.

“If we overturn Roe vs. Wade and make abortion illegal, we will have raised the morality of our nation.”

I’m hitting the buzzer.  In the words of Jim Carey, “Wrongo!”  (But thanks for playing.)  Nobody likes abortion.  Nobody wants abortion.  Everyone agrees it's a bad thing surrounded by a devestating circumstance.  Nobody says, "abortion is good, healthy and right."  It's not.  It's tragic and awful and heartbreaking for everyone involved.  But, what must be understood is that morality is not something that can be mandated.  The people who are going to choose to have pre-marital sex are going to have it regardless of the law.  The people who are going to choose to have an abortion are going to have it, regardless of the law. 

In trying to mandate morality by overturning Roe vs. Wade, you will increase the teen suicide rate, endanger young women who will now have to seek help in back alleys, have more babies killed after they are born or abandoned, etc.  A law cannot increase morality in our nation; but, oh, the destruction it can bring.  Morality is a personal choice.  It starts in the home and in the heart, not on a ballot.

Laws are put into place to protect people and to protect our freedoms as American citizens.  If people break those laws and thereby hurt others, then they are held accountable for those actions.  But, people must make their own choices.   Choose morality or immorality.  Choose to obey the law or become a criminal.  Choose to eat healthy or not.   Whatever you choose, you will reap the consequences of that choice and there is no one to blame but yourself for the choices you have made. 

My jeans are tighter today because I’ve eaten like crap this week.  Whose fault is that?  McDonalds?  No… it’s MY fault.  A gunman goes into a theatre and kills innocent people.  Whose fault is that?  The NRA?  No…it’s the gunman’s fault.

The Eagles sang a song called, “Get Over It.”  One of my favorite lines from that song is, “You bitch about the present and blame it on the past, I’d like to find your inner child and kick its little ass.  Get Over It!”

What wisdom!  It’s time we stop blame-shifting and start taking personal responsibility for our actions.  Fast food isn’t the cause of obesity, people are.  Guns aren’t the cause of school shootings and theatre massacres, whacked out people are. Abortion isn’t the cause of decaying morality among the youth, it’s a symptom of immoral decisions...decisions made by people. 

God, Himself, gave us free will.  He gave us the right to choose whether we would, as individuals, follow Him or not.  That choice is personal, involving only you and your Creator.   

Removing choice will not remove adversity.  What you choose for your life doesn’t make it the right choice for mine; and vice versa.  Life is personal.  Choices are personal.  Blame is personal.  So, make your choices.  Choose wisely.  Accept Responsibility.  And in the words of the Eagles, “Get Over It!”   ~

 

 

 

Ass-Grabbing Gestapo

My husband and I go to Chicago at least twice a year because we love the city and I so that I can conduct research before I begin writing the next book in the Just Call Me Angel series, which is set in Chicago. We were standing on the Navy Pier, watching our kids ride the swings for the umpteenth time.  We were standing below them, waving each time they flew around overhead.  Adherent to the name “Windy City,” the breeze coming off of the lake was chilly and my husband wrapped his arms around me to keep me warm.  I was wearing a red sun dress and as he snuggled me close, he let his right hand rest just below the small of my back, against my bottom.  Now, let me point out that he was not obnoxiously grabbing my ass nor fondling me in public.  His hand was simply resting there as he held me.  Quite honestly, I didn’t even notice it was on my butt.  That’s how non-sexual his touch was. 

So, you can only imagine my surprise when this woman tugs on arm and says to me, “He needs to take his hand off your backside.  You’re in public.”  She was clearly appalled.

I smiled politely and apologized.  “I’m sorry.  I didn’t even realize it was there,” I said, and reached back and pulled his hand further up so it was now resting on the small of my back.

She huffed and walked away and it got me thinking.  (Beware:  Rant Ahead)

Who the hell did she think she was?  The ass-grabbing Gestapo?  I could understand if he was stroking or rubbing or even patting my butt in public, but he wasn’t.  There was nothing inappropriate or graphic or sexual in our contact whatsoever.  I was cold, he held me close to keep me warm.  Period.  No kissing.  No thrusting.  I didn’t drop to my knees to indulge in indescribable acts of pleasure right there on the Pier.  For heaven’s sake!  What gave her the right to tell me where my husband could put his hands? She obviously hadn’t been laid in a long time!  Seriously, people, if something that non-offensive offends you, look away and keep walking; because, trust me, the problem lies with you.  I was polite to her, though she certainly didn’t deserve it.  I should have taken his hands and placed them squarely on my breasts, or pushed my bottom into his groin, bent over in front of him and screamed, “Oh, yes!  Yes!  Harder!  Faster!” If she wanted something to complain about I’d have been more than willing to oblige.

If I could go back and do it over, I’d smile at her, as I reach over, grab my husband’s manliness and say, “If he can’t touch my ass, then I’ll just stroke his assets for a while…is this better?”

Yes, next time I encounter an uptight, hasn’t-been-laid-in-years, mean old sphinx, I’m going to flash my tits or do something really offensive.   Why?  Because I can’t stand people who go out of their way to stick their judgmental, little, condemning noses into other people’s business.  You want to judge me, I’ll gladly give you something to judge and it will start with me bending over and you kissing my big, white ass. 

I mean, after all, if I flash my tits they're no longer concerned about my ass, right?  Tit flashing sounds like the perfect solution to stop the ass-grabbing gestapo. ~