A T.A.L.L. Order

I received an email from a man asking me how I came to believe sex was so important in marriage and asking me if I could convince his wife to share my belief.  The email made me laugh and also tugged at my heart. 

Marriage is hard work.  It’s not all lovey-dovey, cutsey-wootsey, snuggley-buggley warmth.  There are some very cold, distant caves hidden in wedded bliss; some caused by mistakes and some just by a lack of time, communication and priority.  It takes commitment on every level.  You have to give your body, your mind and your heart; not just one, but all.  For a marriage to thrive, both partners must be ALL in, ALL invested, ALL of the time.

Sex is one part of what makes up a good marriage.  It is one form of intimacy, and it should be noted that ALL forms of intimacy are necessary to keep the engine humming.

Years ago, my marriage was stagnant.  My husband and I weren’t connecting and I didn’t feel as close to him as I had previously.  We weren’t fighting a lot, but we had grown apart and there was a distance in our hearts.  He was traveling a lot and I was exhausted with my job and the kids… by the time we got any time together we were, quite frankly, too tired to connect, physically or emotionally.  Neither one of us was content or fulfilled. 

We decided to conduct a little experiment.  While talking over Margaritas and nachos we devised a jump-start plan of action.  Determined to re-connect with one another, we made a sexual commitment.  We vowed to make-love every day.  Every day for one month.  (He traveled so we weren’t able to hit the every day mark, but we did have sex every day that he was in town.)  We began this experiment in August and during that first month we had sex 24 of the 31 days.   

Our relationship was taken to a new level!  We were talking more, laughing more, enjoying our stolen moments and looking forward to our time together.   We liked it so much that we extended it to another month, and another month, and another month until we completed one full year. 

It was this experiment that taught me the value of the physical manifestation of love between partners.  See, sex isn’t just about the act or the climax…it’s about the bonding and the intimacy.  Sure, the orgasm is fun, but that’s short-lived.  The lasting emotional connection that comes from the sexual interaction is what matters most.

It is difficult, almost impossible, to make-love to someone and simultaneously stay angry at them.  If you don’t believe me, try it.  In your next argument with your partner, try getting naked and laying close while you’re fighting. 

Nakedness is not just physical, but it is symbolic of emotional openness.  Complete exposure and disclosure.  It’s about acceptance and excitement.  

Many couples don’t engage in sexual activity because they are ashamed of their own bodies, or they think they’re not good enough at it, or they get too tired and too lazy to make the commitment.  The butterflies in the stomach are dead and sex becomes just another chore on the to-do list.   After all, the touch is the same, the movement is the same, the panting is the same…. over time, it gets redundant, for both men and women.   Welcome to marriage.  Your job is to commit to spicing it up in and out of the bedroom.  Your commitment to each other is to make the marriage not only work, but thrive.  Attention to detail matters.  Knowing what your partner likes and dis-likes matters,  both in and out of the bedroom, and then applying that knowledge is crucial.

Get creative!  It all starts with communication.

Talk to each other about things you want to do, places you want to go, elements of your marriage you wish you could change.  Then, incorporate intimacy into that.  For example:  If you can’t afford a trip to Paris, bring Paris to your bedroom.   Buy some French Champagne, light candles all over, put up a poster of the Eifel Tower, and make French kissing the theme of the evening.  In between conversations, lean over and just start kissing…and don’t stop.

Buy a book on sexual positions and commit to one another that within the next six months, you’re going to try every position in the book.  Then, get ready to laugh and laugh hard because some of the things you’re going to see will look downright impossible.  But, it’s fun to try and it gives you and your partner a little private joke to share.  (“Honey, remember the time you broke your collar bone trying to ….”)   Seriously, though, be careful. 

Have a Touching night.  The rules are simple, you’re both blindfolded and you are forbidden to speak.   The object is to guide one another’s hands to wherever you want them to go.  This is a great way to tell your partner what you like without having to say it or face him/her.  I’m from the Show-Me State, and trust me, sometimes actions speak a lot louder than words.    (Safety tip:  Remember to remove your blindfold before you get up to use the bathroom!)

Buy some magazines or look up some websites/articles on some of the more outlandish sexual activities.  Explore submission and dominance.  Try handcuffs, straps, whipped cream, etc.  Find out together what appeals to you and to your partner.  If you don’t like something, you don’t have to do it again.  But the act of experimenting together heightens your trust in one another, acceptance of one another, ability to be open and honest about your feelings going forward and strengthens your bond as a couple.  The word “bondage” starts with “bond” for a reason.  J

Role play.  It seems silly and people drop their heads and blush when it’s mentioned but role playing is a natural, human trait.  When we are children we are not taught to pretend, we come by it naturally.  The human imagination is a powerful tool, so use it to strengthen your marriage.   Is he the sexy fireman that comes to rescue you with his hose?   Is she the flirty nurse who comes to give you a sponge bath?  Let your imagination run wild and then have fun with it.

These are just some quick ideas off the top of my head… I’m sure you can come up better ones.  The point is, do something, anything.  Marriages die because people stop trying.  Sex is not the answer, but while you’re naked, lying together, you just might come face-to-face with the solution.  Talk. Act. Listen. Love.  It’s a T.A.L.L. order, but the juice is worth the squeeze.  ~

 

Isn't It Ironic

Isn’t it ironic that the people living a lie are always the ones adamantly proclaiming to know the truth?   

 

Isn’t it funny how a person can believe in something like psychic ability, but denounce the prospect of demonic  or angelic activity?  How does one choose the spot in which to draw the line?

Isn’t it strange that people can accept something as real if it happens to them, but dismiss something that happens to another person as an exaggeration or an outright lie?  Are we all that jaded that it is easier to proclaim someone a liar than to accept the possibility that a reality exists beyond our own perspective of personal experience?

 

Isn’t it odd how the most closed minded people are the ones who claim to be open and accepting?

Isn’t it weird that we have a propensity to deny what we don’t understand instead of taking the time to look deeper?

 

Isn’t it ironic how the people who claim to be the hardest working are usually the laziest while the workaholics deny that they have a problem?

 

Isn't it crazy how the feeble-minded believe they are solid while it is the solid thinkers who seek more information so not to become feeble?

Doesn’t it strike you as odd that some people will believe nothing and yet fall for everything?

Isn’t it ironic that trust promotes both the feeling of vulnerability and of strength?

 

Isn’t it amazing how some of the people with the strongest personalities also have the softest hearts?  That the seemingly tough ones are usually the most tender underneath.

Doesn’t it seem strange that in weakness there is strength and in strength there is weakness?

Isn’t it funny how those who pretend to be something they are not often accuse others of not being something that they really are?

Isn’t it odd how some of the people who laugh the loudest often cry the hardest?

Isn’t it comical how a big fish in a small pond is arrogant and the same size fish in a bigger pond is humble?  Can they not see that they are the same?

Isn’t it ironic that some of the most beautiful individuals externally have nothing to offer internally and some of the cosmetically challenged radiate absolute beauty from within?

Isn’t it interesting that the extrovert can be a true introvert in disguise and vice versa?

 

Isn’t it funny how those who are spoon fed information think they know everything, when they have merely tasted only a small portion of knowledge?  From where does such arrogance stem?

Isn’t it ironic…  ~

 

If The Shoe Were On The Other Foot...

Let me start by saying Obama is not my favorite President.  It’s not a race thing and it’s not because I think he’s the Anti-Christ or any of the other radical BS circulating out there.  I’ve just never been a fan.  I liked Bill Clinton and Ronald Reagan and, yes, even George W. Bush; and even though I wasn’t alive at the time, I love John F. Kennedy. 

That being said, I have to throw a red flag on something and come to his defense.  The media is all over Obama for a statement he made about Attorney General, Kamala Harris.  He noted that she was attractive.  Here is the White House transcript:

“You have to be careful to, first of all, say she is brilliant and she is dedicated and she is tough, and she is exactly what you'd want in anybody who is administering the law, and making sure that everybody is getting a fair shake. She also happens to be by far the best-looking attorney general in the country — Kamala Harris is here. (Applause.) It's true. Come on. (Laughter.) And she is a great friend and has just been a great supporter for many, many years.” [via The Los Angeles Times]

 

Twitter was blowing up with tweets about how “stupid” and “wrong” it was for our President to note that a woman is attractive.   Which got me thinking…   If Obama had commented that a man was attractive or the “best looking attorney general in the country” would it have had the same backlash for the same reasons?

The answer is simple:  No.

Your right-wingers would have balked because they would have said that, by a man commenting on the looks of another man, he was underhandedly supporting homosexuality.  But would anyone have been outraged, calling the comment “sexist?”  Doubtful.

Some people are arguing that “the degree to which women are judged by their appearance remains an important hurdle to gender equality in the workforce.”   Red Flag!   This hurdle applies to both men and women, not just to women.  Statistically, attractive people are hired more than unattractive people despite their gender.  It’s a hurdle, yes, but it is no longer a huge sexist hurdle.

“Women have a hard time being judged purely on their merits.”   Red Flag!  Again, so do some men.  This depends on who is doing the judging and it is case specific.  Everyone should be judged purely on their merits, regardless of race, sex, religion or appearance… but the operative word in this sentence is “should.”  Idealism and reality are two very different things.

“Discussing appearance in the context of evaluating job performance is not a compliment.  And for a president who has become a cultural model for many of his supporters in so many other ways, the example he's setting here is disgraceful.”   Major Red Flag!   Obama wasn’t discussing her appearance as an evaluation of her job performance.  She already has the job and he noted previously that she’s damn good at her job.  Nothing he said could even remotely be labeled “disgraceful.” 

C’mon, people!  Now you’re just looking for something to complain about.  Since when is it not okay to comment on someone who is attractive?  His comment wasn’t made during a job interview.  His comment was in no way demeaning to her as a woman or as a human being or to women in general.  It was a compliment and should be taken simply as one.  Obama didn’t say, “she’s smokin’ hot” or use a demeaning phrase.  He simply said she was good-looking…and guess what?  She IS!

It was also a great publicity tool for her.  Two days ago no one knew who Kamala Harris was…now, the world knows and we all think she’s pretty damn good-looking.  Kudos to her!

I never thought I’d be defending Obama on anything, but this is so ridiculous that I just had to speak up. 

Ladies, if a man says you’re attractive, be grateful not offended.  Being attractive doesn’t mean you’re not good at your job.  Being attractive doesn’t mean you’re not smart.  It simply means someone finds your appearance pleasing… and isn’t that a wonderful compliment.

Five years ago, I was walking across the grocery store parking lot and parked next to my car was a pick-up truck with a man sitting in the passenger seat.  It was a warm afternoon and his window was rolled down.  I unloaded my groceries into the back of my Suburban and then walked to the driver’s door, which was right next to the truck’s passenger door.  He smiled and said, “Girl, you make my socks roll down.”

I turned around and looked at him, somewhat startled by the remark and unsure of what it meant.  I asked, “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

He grinned, a toothless grin, and said, “Oh, that’s a good thing, honey.”

“Thank you,” I said and got in my car, smiling.

Now, I could have been appalled by his remark.  I could have said that the fact that he called me “honey” was sexist and demeaning; but it wasn’t.  In his quirky way, he was telling me he thought I was attractive.  It was a compliment not a testament to me being a weaker sex.  I’m not weaker, I’m equal.

And that is what we need to remember… we’re equal.

Women have fought for equality for a long time and the result of that fight has brought both positive and negative ramifications.  Women were once on a pedestal, but we are no longer.  We have leapt off that pedestal and have proven we are strong enough, smart enough and good enough to excel in the so-called “man’s world.”  But, let me pose this…  Can we not still be treated like a woman and still remain equal?

When did a compliment become a “sexist” remark?  When did the phrase, “a good-looking woman” become demeaning and disgraceful?  Why can’t we be both smart and beautiful?  Why is it okay for a man to comment on our intelligence but not on our beauty?

If the shoe was on the other foot and Kamala Harris would have said that Obama was a “good-looking President” would that have been considered a sexist and disgraceful remark?  Hmmmmm…. something to ponder. 

How equal is our equality when the pendulum swings the other way?  If the shoe were on the other foot, I don't think there would be a foot in the mouth.  So, why is there one now?  ~

 

Einstein's Biggest Fear: Technology

Was Albert Einstein right ? ? ?   Has the day he feared finally arrived ?

A day at the beach.

 
Cheering on your team.

Having dinner out with your friends.

 

 

 

Out on an intimate date.

 

 

 

Having a conversation with your BFF

A visit to the museum

 

 

 
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It’s here. . .

 

Barbie Blunder

Some moron decided it would be a good idea to see what Barbie would look like had she aged with the rest of us and here is what they came up with:

 

Yikes!  Now, let me first say that true beauty is internal and it radiates from within.  All other forms of beauty are external, and let’s face it, if you don’t first have the internal, the external plight is hopeless.  What I mean is this:  if you’re ugly on the inside, it doesn’t matter how outwardly pretty you might appear, because that internal ugliness will shine through and your outer beauty will quickly fade.  We’ve all met people who look gorgeous and then they start talking and you realize they are just plain ugly; and we’ve met not-so-good-looking individuals who start talking and become more and more beautiful as they speak.   

Inner beauty trumps outer beauty every time.

That being said, Barbie possesses no internal beauty because, obviously, she’s a lump of non-living matter.  She has only one source of beauty and that is dependent on how she is made in the factory.  Barbie needs her cute little figure, her perfectly plumped, pink lips, her shiny blonde hair and her dynamite smile to attract not only Ken and GI Joe, but potential buyers as well.  See, Barbie is a tool for imaginative play.  Barbie is a toy and like any other toy, she must appeal to the child.  Now, I ask you, does this aged, non-make-up-wearing Barbie appeal to children?  Not any children I know!

What are parents supposed to do…give their daughters this version of Barbie and say, “See, honey, in forty years you’re going to have no waist, your boobs will sag to your belly button, you’ll wake up looking like you tied one on last night even when you didn’t, your hair will thin and turn gray, and you’ll wet your pants when you sneeze.  Ain’t life grand!”

Really?!?  What child needs that dose of reality to spoil their imaginative play time?  Helloooo?  Does anyone else find this idea ludicrous?  Hell, why not sell some Barbie Depends as an add on, and Barbie hormone pills…and while you’re at it, you better make sure you get some boner-building meds for Ken too, that is, if the makers plan to have him age with her.  I'm not sure, in her current condition, that she could handle eighteen year old, Ken's erection.  But, maybe I'm wrong... maybe we slap some wrinkle cream on her and some bright red lipstick and she could become Cougar Barbie. 

Let’s face it…aging sucks.  We all know it.  We all try to fight it but it’s a reality we face daily…and our kids see us age.  That’s real life; but guess what…kids play with toys to escape real life.  They don’t want to play with ugly, hung-over, fifty year old, sagging Barbie.  They want perky, fun, pretty Barbie. 

Hell, don’t we all?!? ~

 

Socialism Sucks!

Since it seems to be a hot topic, as of late; let’s talk about socialism.  In theory it is nice to think that a great equalizer, such as socialism, would solve all of our economic woes.  After all, what a wonderful world it would be if poverty didn’t exist.  Everyone would have the same income, the same opportunities, the same net worth, and everything would be fair.  Life would run like a well-oiled machine.

In the words of Jim Carey playing the Grinch, “Wrongo!”

An economics professor at a well-known university decided to teach the concept of socialism to his students by conducting a classroom experiment using their grades in the place of income.  He explained to his students that he was going to run his class on the principals of socialism, thus all grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade; so no one would fail and no one would receive an ‘A.’

After the first test, the grades were averaged and everyone in the class received a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. As the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too so they studied little.  The second test average was a D.   No one was happy.

When the 3rd test rolled around, the average was an F.   As the tests proceeded, the scores never increased because bickering, blame-shifting and name-calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else.

To their great surprise, everyone FAILED the class.  The professor explained to his students that socialism would ultimately fail as well because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great; but when the government takes away the reward, no one will try or want to succeed.

This is the same concept as the "everyone gets a trophy" bullshit happening with youth sports.  If all of the kids are going to go home with the same trophy, what's the point in doing your best and trying to win?  In fact, why even play if the score doesn't matter, if there's no glory at the end, no challenge of winning, no fear of losing, no competition to drive you?

Why work harder or work at all when there's no recognition for your achievements?  Why should I bust my balls and have half my paycheck go to someone who won't even get off the couch?  Socialism is settling for mediocrity and mediocrity sucks!

 

 

Socialism has many flaws:

·          You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.
 

·         What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.

·         The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.

 

·         You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it!

·       When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they have worked for… that is the beginning of the end of any nation.

 

 

Wake up, America!  ~

Newspaper Nonsense

When my creative juices aren’t flowing, I will occasionally sift through the yahoo headlines and see if a story grabs me…if it does, I blog about it.  Today I sifted through sixty-five top stories, none of which were remotely interesting.  In fact, I can sum them up quite quickly by saying this:

Don’t kiss a lion, he might decide to make you lunch.

 

If you shoot people in a theatre, don’t be shocked if prosecutors seek the death penalty.

A top model can be a hero too. 

Don’t tattoo your dog, moron!

People can survive being lost in the icy mountains for six days…miracles happen.

Tragic death.  Sad death.  Horrible death.  Ugh…I hate the news!

Don’t wear capri pants that cut off in the middle of your calf…they make all legs look fat.

If you’re a state trooper you better ticket everyone you stop, because if you give a break to a State Representative, you just might lose your job. 

Celebrities are hitting the beach, wearing controversial t-shirts, crashing each other’s cars and being criticized for their charitable donations. Yada, yada, yada.

The First Lady wore the same dress three times.  Egads!  Alert the media… wait a minute, someone already did and it actually made the top headlines.  Geeze….do we need to get a life or what?!

That’s it… the most interesting headlines of the day.  Now I remember why I stopped reading the newspaper.  ~