VIP-ness

My dad bought VIP tickets for my mom, me and my two children to see Disney’s Mary Poppins in Denver on Sunday.  First, let me say that this show was off-the-charts incredible!  The talent was phenomenal, as one would expect from Disney.  The set design was magnificent and kept the crowd amazed.  The overall production was above excellent.  We enjoyed every single moment, leaping to our feet at the end to give a well-deserved standing ovation.  All that to say this:  if you have the opportunity to see this show in a city near you, go.   It is well worth the time and money spent.

While we were there a funny thing happened.  The usher took our tickets and led us to our seats, third row from the orchestra pit.  At which time, my mother informed him that we had VIP tickets, which meant the kids were to receive a special gift.  The usher must have been new because he didn’t recognize that our tickets were the designated color for VIP status; thus, he instructed my mom to go to the box office and get some sort of voucher that would prove we had paid for the VIP upgrade.  Off she went. 

The usher then turned and said, “You’d be surprised how many people try to fake their VIP-ness.”

“Their VIP-ness,” he said in front of my ten year old and twelve year old, who somehow managed to contain their laughter until we got home.  You see, at ten and twelve the word “penis” is comical.  Hell, I’m forty-two and the word still provokes a comedic response in me.

So, as we were getting ready to go to bed that night, my son says, “We learned something very important tonight.”

My daughter and I pause and look to him, as if something deep and meaningful is about to come forth.

He grins and says, “Never fake your VIP-ness.”  We all laughed until it hurt.  And that’s how inside, family jokes are born.  ~

 

 

Discretion: Not on My Blog!

Here is an excerpt from a letter I received last night, from someone who found my “This, That and The Other” blog to be distasteful.

“I am offended that you claim to be a follower of Christ and then talk publically about sexual activity and body parts.  You should use more discretion.”

I love these people.  I love the people in this world that are so stuffy and so set in their ways that they cannot fathom the possibility that someone like me, the sexual-body-parts-writing- blogger,  might be sitting in a pew next to them on Sunday morning… and what’s worse is I might have woken up early and had sex before going to church.  Gasp! 

 

 

Somehow, no matter what I write, someone, somewhere always has to bring God into it by saying, "How can you call yourself a Christian and...blah,blah,blah."

 

Yes, I’m a Christian who talks openly about sex and who complains that my breasts aren’t as perky as I’d like them to be.  I’m the Believer who believes that God created us to need human touch, to have a natural sexual curiosity and to crave things that make us feel better and look good. 

If my sexual openness offends you as a human being, I apologize. If it offends you as a Christian, then that’s your problem and not mine.  I don’t write articles of porn, nor do I post pictures of pornographic images.  I may post something sultry or sensual from time to time, but sensuality is a part of who we are as humans.  The allure of romance is what draws us closer to one another.  Our innate need to feel wanted is what drives us to pursue a suitable partner.  We require connection with others in many forms, because we were not designed to be alone. 

As for the human body, I believe it is one of God’s most remarkable creations.  It’s art.  It’s life.  It is to be treasured and adored.  It is also comedy, especially as we age.  I will most assuredly discuss sagging breasts and floppy penises as my number of birthdays increase.  It’s who I am and it has nothing to do with my heart for God or the fact that I am a Believer.

The question was:  Should I use more discretion?  The answer is:  Not on my blog.  ~

The "Olga Complex"

Spammers piss me off.  That statement applies to online, email and telephone spammers.  People who intentionally comment on blog posts only for the purpose of marketing their products should be smacked.  I understand the importance of marketing but do they honestly believe this is an effective way to increase sales?  Are they really that stupid?  This type of spamming is up there in my book with all of the penile dysfunction spam emails I receive.  I mean, really?  I don’t even have a penis so why are they sending me advertisements for ED drugs?  Have they ever considered targeting their spam emails to an appropriate demographic?  Perhaps that would prove more prosperous…duh?!

Another form of spamming that I find utterly distasteful are the telemarketers that call me at home to solicit their products.  If I want a vacuum I’ll go purchase one at the store.  If I’m interested in a timeshare, I’ll contact a realtor on my own, thank you very much.  Please, don’t try to sell me something when I’m in the middle of homework or dinner.  I consider it rude.  It creates in me what I call the “Olga Complex.” 

This is a reference that has grown out of the Just Call Me Angel series and is based on the character of Angel’s Great Aunt, Olga.  When Olga gets angry or annoyed, she feels an ever-growing and powerful desire to Taser the object of her irritation.  With regards to spammers, I can totally relate.  One little zap through the telephone lines would most assuredly remove my name from their call list.  I have to admit, it’s an electrifying thought!  J